The Wandering (The Lux Guardians, #2) Read Online Free PDF Page B

but I daren’t.
I press my face hard against his shoulder. “What if there isn’t
time again?”
    He tightens his hold
on me, his palms hot against the small of my back. “I’ll make
time”
    “What if—”
    “Miya.” He kisses my
hair and all my arguments turn to ash. “I’m not leaving. I learned
my lesson; I’m meant to be with you. I won’t separate us
again.”
    I close my eyes,
inching my arms around his waist until I’m flush against him. He’s
too warm but I don’t want to move. I say, “You’d better not.”
    After a while of
nothing being said and of neither of us moving, I detangle my limbs
from his. A note of unease has worked its way into me now my fear
has receded. “This is supremely fucked up.”
    He watches me closely,
his hands now pressed together in his lap. “What is?”
    “How dependant I am on
you. I’m supposed to be tough and independent and scared of nothing
but …” I turn my face out of the light, move out of reach. “The
thought of losing you rips me apart.”
    I feel equal parts
shame and dread, hearing it said out loud.
    “Miya. Do you think I can survive without you? Do you think
I’m not the exact same? When I jumped, when I went to help those
people I knew exactly what I was doing and I knew what to do. But
as soon as we were out of immediate danger, I fell apart. I didn’t
know what to do, how to do anything without you beside me.
You’re always with me, and that’s the way I want it, the way I need it.” He takes an
unsteady breath. The bed dips as he crosses the space I put between
us to touch my shoulder. This time it does make me uneasy, but
comfort like this, touching, is something Siah needs. And he hates
talking about things this way, all deep and devastating. If he can
bear the words for me, I can bear the touch for him.
    “ I’m
not leaving you again,” he says, “because I can’t. I don’t function
without you and I’m too selfish to want to. So you don’t have to
worry.”
    It takes a minute of
listening to the night, of focusing on my breathing, for me to calm
down enough to think a single clear thought. Relief and heartache
is all tied up in me, and I can’t explain either of them to
myself.
    “Wow,” I whisper.
“Glad you got that out?”
    His laughter sighs
over the back of my neck. “Yes, actually.”
    I hide a tiny smile in
the dark, my fears put to rest by his desperate rant.
    He asks, “Do you think
you can sleep again?”
    “Probably.” I don’t
think I’ll have another nightmare tonight. I think Yosiah has
chased them away. I stretch my arms to kill the stiffness in them
and crack my knuckles before lying back down on my side, snickering
at Siah’s disgusted groan.
    “Why do you do that?”
he grumbles, lying beside me.
    “Because you hate it
so much.”
    He closes a hand
around my hip and pulls my back against his chest. “Well, stop
it.”
    That’s asking for it.
He knows he’s asking for it. I crack my fingers, slowly, drawing
out every tiny pop so it pisses him off even more.
    “Go to sleep.”
    “Why? The night is
young, Yosiah.”
    The hard point of his
chin prods my shoulder blade. “Are you scared to go back to sleep?
I’ll wake you if you have another nightmare. If you want, I can
stay awake just in case.”
    “It’s fine, Siah.”
It’s not a hundred percent fine but I’m not freaking out anymore. I
still feel like he might disappear any minute but it doesn’t feel
like someone’s squeezing the life out of my heart. I’m about to
tell him this when he wraps an arm around my middle. My body
prickles with discomfort and awareness.
    He says, “So you’ll
know I’m here.”
    “Okay.” It might help.
I don’t know. I don’t hate having Siah this close but at the same
time I want to shove him away. I’m getting sick of my feelings
making no sense. I breathe and breathe and breathe until I’m
steadier, then let my limbs relax. I can feel Yosiah’s chest
moving, hairs rising on the back of my