The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women Read Online Free PDF Page B

pressure on a person to respond immediately or may make someone feel more intimidated or threatened. If you and your partner are direct with each other and talk openly about sex, then, by all means, be direct. But if you’re hesitant, give your partner time to react; tell him or her you don’t need a response right away. It’s important that you make your request as pressure-free as possible, and give her the opportunity to voice her concerns, if she has any.
    No lover is able to look
into your eyes and figure
out how you want to get
fucked in the ass.
    —SUSIE BRIGHT—

    ASK THE ANAL ADVISOR: Hesitant Partner
    Q: I have been with my girlfriend for six years, going on seven. The sex is really amazing, but something is missing: anal. I love to eat her pussy a lot. The taste of her and just being down there can make me come. For the past year, when we sixty-nine, as I lick her pussy, I have been playing with her ass, and she moans louder when I do that. One time, my whole thumb was in her ass and she loved it. But when we talk about it, she seems hesitant. When I go down on her, I tend to give her a small rim job or, when we are in the missionary position and I swivel her left leg over so her ass is exposed, I play with her ass. She gets into it, and then stops. I’m very confused. I think she loves it, but I don’t know.
     
    A: It sounds to me like you two need to have a conversation about anal pleasure. According to your account, your girlfriend isn’t opposed to it, though it seems that you want to go further than she is comfortable going. It may be that rimming and penetration with a finger feel great, and she has no desire to do any more. But the fact that you’re getting mixed signals means she may have some unexplored issues that prevent her from fully enjoying the anal play you already do and stop her from further exploration. Be open, compassionate, and nonjudgmental when you approach her. Ask her if she has fears or misgivings about anal pleasure; she may have concerns about hygiene, safer sex, penetration, and other common issues associated with butt sex. Talk through these issues, and see if you can get to the bottom of her feelings.

Fear
    People can have a lot of fears and negative feelings about anal eroticism. In some cases, a partner may be hesitant about knockin’ on the back door because she has certain misconceptions about buttfucking—that it’s dirty, painful, or only for a man’s pleasure. They seem irrational on the page, but these are very real fears in people’s minds that may prevent them from even considering it. It is important to realize that most of us are made aware of the anal taboo starting in childhood and therefore we are all affected in some way by it.

    While most of these fears have their roots in myths and misconceptions about anal sex, it is important to respect and validate your partner when she or he shares her or his feelings. Have an honest talk with your partner about fears you both have, and review chapter 1 and its discussion of myths, dispelling the misinformation and replacing it with correct information: anal sex doesn’t have to be a big mess; if you do it right, it won’t hurt; and women can get off on it in plenty of ways. Reassure each other that either one of you can stop the activity at any time and be fully supported by the other one. Set concrete ground rules and boundaries about what is okay and what isn’t; as experiences progress, the boundaries can change if needed. Each person needs to know that she or he will be safe from both pain and disease during anal sex and that there is mutual trust and respect.
    Some people’s fears may be about anal sex being difficult, uncomfortable, painful, or impossible to enjoy. Women especially often veto anal sex because of a negative experience in the past. If a past partner tried to go from zero to sixty in five seconds by sticking his dick in your ass without warm-up, lube, or communication, then chances are it