big day with her. Poor baby.” Sophia plucked the pint of Ben and Jerry’s chocolate chip cookie dough from Joy’s hand and walked into the kitchen, retrieving two spoons.
Stainless steel appliances with a built in wine refrigerator adorned the kitchen. The imported Italian marble countertops sat on top of rich, cherry wood. Her wife insisted on the best of everything, but Sophia would gladly trade it all in for a normal marriage where people got to sleep together every night.
“Why don’t you just go to her? I’ll bet she would love the surprise. The university loves you, I’m sure they could get someone to cover your classes for a few days,” Joy offered.
Sophia waved Joy into the living room and plopped down on the sofa next to Fawn, while Joy settled into the leather recliner. Sophia started laughing when Joy removed the top to the ice cream and didn’t know where to put it after snuggling into the comfortable chair. She popped up from the sofa and grabbed the top, placing it next to the cap on the coffee table that she’d already removed from her pint. A plastic bag settled haphazardly next to the chair where Joy had tossed it. Sophia suspected it contained her batteries. She was thankful that Joy hadn’t remembered to tease her about them.
“You know, Joy, that isn’t a half bad idea,” Sophia said, getting excited. “I think I’ll do it. I can surprise her at her office. God knows why she decided to set up an office in loggersville . I suppose all those Microtech millionaires might be reason enough, but geez it rains there all the time.”
“I heard the Seattleites are wild in the sack. All that free love, granola shit makes them completely unconventional. I wouldn’t mind taking a trip out west to check it out. I feel an illness coming on and I’m sure in two weeks it will be a full-fledged contagion that I must absolutely resist exposing others to. Take me with you, please,” Joy begged.
“Absolutely. We can play tourist while my lovely wife works her ass off. I don’t know why she’s never let me visit. There are a few places that I’d love to see. They have Orca whales in the sound right outside some cluster of islands not too far from Seattle. I want to see the whales,” Sophia enthused.
“We can go see the whales only if you promise I won’t have to put on some smelly jumpsuit that five hundred sweaty people previously wore. I saw this special TV show once about those whale watching tours and what those people wore was simply disgusting—not to mention totally unflattering to the figure. I want a luxury boat for our whale watching adventure. Oh, and you need to take me to a gay bar so I can meet the local talent,” Joy insisted.
“Deal. Thanks for coming here, Joy, and cheering me up. I don’t know what’s happening with our marriage, but I get the feeling that she’s slipping away from me. We made it through the scary sevens, but after ten years, we should be more settled. Something is off. I can’t put my finger on it, but I feel like I’m missing something really important. Maybe I’m being paranoid, but as my granny always said, just cause you’re paranoid, don’t mean they ain’t out to get you, honey .”
“She did not say that. You’re making that shit up,” Joy said.
“I am not. My granny was bat shit crazy, but a wise woman just the same.”
“Is she the one that drank a glass or two of red wine every night?” Joy asked.
“Yep. That’s the one. My other grandma was the hussy with six different husbands.”
“Okay, now you’re pulling my leg.”
“No, I’m not. I swear. She was a real looker in her time, but she got bored easily and the men she married never seemed to keep her satisfied for too long. She married her last husband in the nursing home, but that only lasted six months before he caught her in bed with the guy down the hall. Granny had an active libido all the way into her eighties. Grampa number six caught her with her legs spread
Christiane Shoenhair, Liam McEvilly