The Tower, The Zoo, and The Tortoise Read Online Free PDF

unfortunate comments made by the Duke of Edinburgh, either. As a gesture of goodwill, China has sent Her Majesty a second golden snub-nosed monkey. Shame, really, as they haven’t got the most attractive combination of features—a snub nose, obviously, blue cheeks, and hair the same colour as Sarah Ferguson’s. Anyway, the Queen is stuck with it. To make matters worse, the Chinese also noticed the similarity in hair colour, and have named it the Duchess of York. The Queen is understandably rather unsettled by that.”
    The Beefeater was about to ask why exactly Oswin Fielding had wanted to see him, but the equerry continued.
    “While the Queen has the utmost respect for London Zoo,she has decided to move the new monkey, as well as all her other gifts of animals that are kept there, to a more intimate location. The problem is that foreign rulers always take it as a personal slight if their creature dies.”
    The courtier then leant forward conspiratorially. “I’m sure you’ve guessed where the animals are to be newly lodged,” he said.
    “I can’t imagine,” replied Balthazar Jones, who was contemplating fetching himself a pint.
    Oswin Fielding then lowered his voice and announced: “They are going to be transferred to the Tower to form a new royal menagerie.”
    The Beefeater wondered whether the rain had rusted his eardrums.
    “It’s not as daft an idea as it sounds,” the man from the Palace insisted. “Exotic beasts were kept at the Tower from the thirteenth century. Foreign powers continued to send the monarchy animals over the years, and the menagerie became an immensely popular tourist attraction. It didn’t close until the 1830s.”
    Like all the Beefeaters, Balthazar Jones was well aware that the Tower had housed a menagerie, and often pointed out the remains of the Lion Tower to the tourists. He could even have told the equerry that the elephants were given red wine by their keepers to banish the cold, and that the lions were rumoured to have been able to determine whether or not a woman was a virgin, tales he used to stun the more irritating visitors into silence. But he didn’t utter a word.
    Oswin Fielding continued. “Her Majesty very much hopes that the new menagerie will increase the number of visitorsto the Tower, which has been declining.” He paused before adding, “Hirsute gentlemen in antiquated uniforms are not much of an attraction these days. No disrespect to you, your trousers, or your beard.”
    He paused yet again, but the only movement that came from the Beefeater was a raindrop plunging from the brim of his hat. Slowly, the courtier raised his eyes from the spot where it had landed.
    “It’s a little-known fact that Her Majesty is rather partial to tortoises,” he said. “She is aware that you are in possession of the world’s oldest specimen, which, of course, is a source of great national pride. Such an animal undoubtedly requires the most tender care.” And with a triumphant smile the man from the Palace added: “The Queen can think of no one better than you to oversee the project.”
    Oswin Fielding patted Balthazar Jones on the shoulder and then reached underneath the table to dry his hand on his trouser leg. As he stood up, he warned the Beefeater not to tell anyone of the plan, particularly the Chief Yeoman Warder, as details had yet to be ironed out. “We’re hoping to transfer the Queen’s animals in about three weeks’ time, and give them a few days to settle in before opening the menagerie to the public,” he said.
    Announcing that he would be in touch shortly, he put on his coat and walked out with his splendid umbrella. Balthazar Jones remained on the red leather stool unable to move. He didn’t manage the monumental task of getting to his feet until he was asked to leave by the infuriated landlady, who complained that the stench of mothballs had caused her canary to faint, and it had landed in the slops tray.

    IT HAD STOPPED RAINING by the time Hebe