The Story of God Read Online Free PDF Page B

to Egypt, where they tricked Pharaoh, which God got a kick out of. Pharaoh was the most powerful nonbeliever on earth, so toying with him was quite enjoyable. “I want to do a lot more of that down the line,” he noted to himself.
    Abram also traveled with his nephew Lot, who had a bit of a weird, creepy quality to him, God had to admit. Which is presumably why, when they split up, Lot was drawn to basically the worst place on earth: Sodom. God had tried hard to make itclear to people that he despised homosexuality. It was unnatural,
abhorrent.
He honestly had no idea where it came from, this dark and hateful desire that so many men had to enjoy each other’s bodies. It was enough to give God momentary pause. “Did I want so many men to be homosexual, was that my plan? Why
would
it be when I hate homosexuality so much? And yet … it must be part of my plan because … how could it
not
be? But why would I devise a plan that infuriates me? Is it possible that I didn’t have a plan, or that I don’t even
now?
That I’m just sort of ‘improvising’ this whole thing, and not even very well?” Or, he continued, very deep in thought now, “Could I be so self-hating that I would create a reality that I would despise just to punish myself? What would I be punishing myself
for?”
    He stopped, shook his mighty head. This was craziness. Of course he wasn’t “punishing” himself, he had no reason to do so. None. His mind drifted back to homosexuality and how much he loathed it. “I want to wipe it out forever,” he thought. “I don’t want any men who are obsessed with penises and balls to walk the earth
ever again.”
    God had a plan. He would send two male angels to Sodom to check up on what he had heard was happening there. “Don’t I already know?” he silently asked himself. Yes, of course he knew, he always knew, he was God, he was all-knowing … but still, he wanted
proof positive.
God stopped for a moment, another question occurring to him: “If I
am
all-powerful, as I am, of course, then why do I need angels? Can’t I do these things myself?” The answer was quick and obvious in this case: God wanted to see what all those homosexuals in Sodom would do when he sent two good-looking male angels into their town. These angels were seriously handsome, “real homo-bait,” God thought to himself with satisfaction.
    â€œI will go down to earth with my two angels, whom I will then send into Sodom. Once they prove what I already know to be true, that the town is infested with homosexuals, I will annihilate both Sodom and Gomorrah! I won’t even warnthem, nor will I need to see what’s happening in Gomorrah. I will simply burn them up. No one will survive!” He smiled to himself, thinking of all those damn penis-loving homosexuals being turned to ashes by his heavenly fire.
    A vaguely troubling thought popped into God’s mind: What about all the women in Sodom and Gomorrah? Why did
they
deserve to die? Was it their fault that they lived in towns where every male from 2 to 100 was a homosexual? Did they really deserve to be burned up for that? God thought this over for a moment, unhappy with the complication—then nodded decisively. “It is exactly what they deserve, they probably drove the men to homosexuality—they are probably homosexuals too!” God had never thought of female homosexuality before. In truth, he didn’t think of female anything that much. Women were hidden, strange, untrustworthy. He didn’t like them, quite frankly. But maybe they
were
homosexuals too—they probably were. They absolutely deserved to be burned up.
    The one straight man in Sodom was Lot, Abram’s nephew, who had settled there awhile back (Gen. 14:12) and made a family with his wife (what was her name? Oh well, it didn’t matter). He had two teenage daughters who were, even God had to