many things remarkable. I find the mice remarkable, I find the funny green sunlight that climbs in that window remarkable. I find you visiting me today remarkable.'
'I'm sorry to hear you still have mice.'
'There will always be mice here.'
'But doesn't John put down traps?'
'He does, but he won't set them delicately enough, and the mice eat the cheese with no trouble, and get away, like Jesse James and his brother Frank.'
Now Dr Grene took his eyebrows between two fingers of his right hand, and massaged them for a few moments. He rubbed his nose then and groaned. In that groan was all the years he had spent in this institution, all the mornings of his life here, all the useless talk of mice and cures and age.
'You know, Roseanne,' he said, 'as I have been obliged recently to look at the legal position of all our inmates, as this has been so much in the public discourse, I was looking back over your admittance papers, and I must confess -'
He said all this in the most easy-going voice imaginable.
'Confess?' I said, prompting him. I knew his mind had a habit of drifting off silently into a private thought.
'Oh, yes – excuse me. Hmm, yes, I was wanting to ask you,
Roseanne, if you remember by any chance the particulars of your admittance here, which would be most helpful – if you did. I will tell you why in a minute – if I have to.'
Dr Grene smiled and I had a suspicion he meant this last remark as a jest, but the humour of it escaped me, especially as, as I said, he never usually attempted humour. So I surmised something unusual was stirring here.
Then, as bad as himself, I forgot to answer him.
'You remember anything about it?'
'Coming here, you mean, Dr Grene?'
'Yes, I think that's what I mean.'
'No,' I said, a foul and utter lie being the best answer.
'Well,' he said, 'unfortunately a great swathe of our archive in the basement has been used, not surprisingly, by generations of mice for bedding, and it is all quite ruined and unreadable. Your own file such as it is has been attacked in a most interesting fashion. It would not shame an Egyptian tomb. It seems to fall apart at the touch of a hand.'
There was a long silence then. I smiled and smiled. I tried to think what I looked like to him. A face so creased and old, so lost in age.
'Of course, I know you very well. We have talked so often over the years. I wish now I had made more notes. These do not come to many pages, you will not be surprised to learn. I am a reluctant taker of notes, perhaps not admirable in my job. It is sometimes said that we do no good, that we do nothing for anyone. But I hope we have done our best for you, despite my culpable lack of notes. I do. I'm glad you say you are well. I would like to think you are happy here.'
I smiled at him my oldest old-woman smile, as if I did not quite understand.
'God knows,' he said then, with a certain elegance of mind, 'no one could be happy here.'
'I am happy,' I said.
'Do you know,' he said, 'I do believe you. I think you are the happiest person I know. But I think I will be obliged to reassess you, Roseanne, because there has been very much an outcry in the newspapers against – such people as were incarcerated shall we say for social reasons, rather than medical -being, being…'
'Held?'
'Yes, yes. Held. And continuing in this day and age to be held. Of course, you have been here these many, many years, I should think maybe even fifty?'
'I do not remember, Dr Grene. It may well be so.'
'You might consider this place your home.'
'No.'
'Well. You as well as any other person have the right to be free if you are suitable for, for freedom. I suppose even at one hundred years of age you might wish to – to walk about the place and paddle in the sea in the summer, and smell the roses -'
'No!'
I did not intend to cry out, but as you will see these small actions, associated in most people's minds with the ease and happiness of life, are to me still knives in my heart to think
'I'm sorry to hear you still have mice.'
'There will always be mice here.'
'But doesn't John put down traps?'
'He does, but he won't set them delicately enough, and the mice eat the cheese with no trouble, and get away, like Jesse James and his brother Frank.'
Now Dr Grene took his eyebrows between two fingers of his right hand, and massaged them for a few moments. He rubbed his nose then and groaned. In that groan was all the years he had spent in this institution, all the mornings of his life here, all the useless talk of mice and cures and age.
'You know, Roseanne,' he said, 'as I have been obliged recently to look at the legal position of all our inmates, as this has been so much in the public discourse, I was looking back over your admittance papers, and I must confess -'
He said all this in the most easy-going voice imaginable.
'Confess?' I said, prompting him. I knew his mind had a habit of drifting off silently into a private thought.
'Oh, yes – excuse me. Hmm, yes, I was wanting to ask you,
Roseanne, if you remember by any chance the particulars of your admittance here, which would be most helpful – if you did. I will tell you why in a minute – if I have to.'
Dr Grene smiled and I had a suspicion he meant this last remark as a jest, but the humour of it escaped me, especially as, as I said, he never usually attempted humour. So I surmised something unusual was stirring here.
Then, as bad as himself, I forgot to answer him.
'You remember anything about it?'
'Coming here, you mean, Dr Grene?'
'Yes, I think that's what I mean.'
'No,' I said, a foul and utter lie being the best answer.
'Well,' he said, 'unfortunately a great swathe of our archive in the basement has been used, not surprisingly, by generations of mice for bedding, and it is all quite ruined and unreadable. Your own file such as it is has been attacked in a most interesting fashion. It would not shame an Egyptian tomb. It seems to fall apart at the touch of a hand.'
There was a long silence then. I smiled and smiled. I tried to think what I looked like to him. A face so creased and old, so lost in age.
'Of course, I know you very well. We have talked so often over the years. I wish now I had made more notes. These do not come to many pages, you will not be surprised to learn. I am a reluctant taker of notes, perhaps not admirable in my job. It is sometimes said that we do no good, that we do nothing for anyone. But I hope we have done our best for you, despite my culpable lack of notes. I do. I'm glad you say you are well. I would like to think you are happy here.'
I smiled at him my oldest old-woman smile, as if I did not quite understand.
'God knows,' he said then, with a certain elegance of mind, 'no one could be happy here.'
'I am happy,' I said.
'Do you know,' he said, 'I do believe you. I think you are the happiest person I know. But I think I will be obliged to reassess you, Roseanne, because there has been very much an outcry in the newspapers against – such people as were incarcerated shall we say for social reasons, rather than medical -being, being…'
'Held?'
'Yes, yes. Held. And continuing in this day and age to be held. Of course, you have been here these many, many years, I should think maybe even fifty?'
'I do not remember, Dr Grene. It may well be so.'
'You might consider this place your home.'
'No.'
'Well. You as well as any other person have the right to be free if you are suitable for, for freedom. I suppose even at one hundred years of age you might wish to – to walk about the place and paddle in the sea in the summer, and smell the roses -'
'No!'
I did not intend to cry out, but as you will see these small actions, associated in most people's minds with the ease and happiness of life, are to me still knives in my heart to think
Similar Books
Elizabeth Thornton
Whisper His Name
A Fortunate Life
Paddy Ashdown
Reckless Hearts
Melody Grace
Against Me (Cedar Tree Book 3)
Freya Barker
The Mysterious Mickey Finn
Elliot Paul
Galactic Axia Adventure 1: Escape to Destiny
Jim Laughter
Crazy in Chicago
Norah-Jean Perkin
Bloodmagic (Blood Destiny 2)
Helen Harper