The Second Mister Read Online Free PDF Page B

Education can throw at them, with neither Grace or much else to console them, except perhaps the formula for benzene and the terrors of trigonometry.
    It is time for linguistic reform !
    George Bernard Shaw had strong views on the widespread eccentricities to be found in English spelling, and firmly believed that it should be simplified. He pointed out that, logically, it is possible to spell the word “ Fish” with the letters “ G H O T I”. This can be achieved by pronouncing the “GH” as in “ ROUGH ”, the “ O” as in “WOMEN”, and the “ TI ” as in “ NATION ”. G H O T I : Fish.
    Well, George Bernard Shaw was a wimp.
    The English language, whatever about English spelling, does not need to be simplified: it needs to be made more complicated and in a revolutionary way. This would make ordinary communication far more interesting and would have many practical but hitherto unforseen advantages.
    Some months ago I purchased a book on Latin verbs and in it I came across a tense called the “ passive periphrastic.” I had never heard of the passive periphrastic before and believed that I had managed to live into my mid-sixties without any great need of it.
    How wrong I was !
    Two nights later at a function in Dublin, a man came up to me and verbally abused me, for a number of well-founded reasons. He was an alumnus of St.Michael’s College in Listowel and he concluded his rant by saying “ ..and you did not even go to St.Michael’s …it was not good enough for you.” I told him that he was right, which greatly surprised him. I then made excellent use of my recently acquired knowledge by telling him a specimen sized lie. This was to the effect that when I had finished at National School, my father had called me aside and said “ Paddy, I can’t send you to St.Michael’s with your friends; if you went there you might not encounter the passive periphrastic”. Boy, did that send the little wretch running for the hills !
    The Basque language is related to no other Indo-European language and is said to contain about seventeen cases  or tuiseals . I say “about” because the precise number is the subject of much dispute among grammarians - I have heard mention of as many as twenty-six. This seems to me to bring an admirable measure of complexity to the language and should be an inspiration to all who seek to reform English. After all, English, like Irish and Latin, has to make do with a miserable six cases. A good start would be made if we were to add say another six; more can be added later should the need arise. Here are my suggestions:

    Enough said: The revolution has begun !

G ILE NA GILE

M R. J USTICE…

A RCHBISHOP USSHER ACCLAIMED

P HILOMENA…