The Search for Ball Zero Read Online Free PDF

smartest man alive.
    “ FUCK YEAH MOTHERFUCKER!  YEA!!
WOOHOO!  YOU FUCKIN PENGUIN BOY IN A SUIT!  I ALREADY GOT
RED BULL PAYIN ME TOO ASSHOLE!  I’LL MAKE MILLIONS AND ALL I
GOTTA DO IS DRINK RED BULL AND EAT CHEETOS IN MY DREAMS WHILE I
FUCK ALL THE BITCHES AND DRINK BEER THAT YOU ASSHOLES BOUGHT FOR
ME!”
    Mr Jackass isn’t done with his
get rich quick scheme yet.  Next he gets a Taco Bell tattoo on
his forehead.  Why not?  He gets more money for it being
on his forehead than anywhere else.  Girls will like his
millions of dollars and will be able to ignore a little company
tattoo on his face advertising a new low price for chalupas.
    This process continues until
one day Mr. Jackass wakes up with a holographic logo imprinted on
the backside of his eyelid, a permanent, ever changing ad tattoo
that he will be fined for if he covers, clothes that change to
promote the latest advertising blitz, pop up ads that pop up in the
middle of your vision, no matter which way you look, a 3D
holographic ad that shows a commercial over his head every couple
minutes and dreams of Red Bull oceans, floating on Cheeto rafts to
heaven.  This is every day and night of Mr. Jackasses
life.
    In this world, we simply call
these people:  Ads.  They walk around like zombies,
usually because most of their vision is blocked by ads and most of
them are probably on meds. Also, Porn Blindness should be mentioned
again.
    Being an Ad is a full time job
and works a lot like a hardcore drug addiction.  At first it’s
fun and doesn’t really interfere too much with your life.  But
soon it’s not fun, you need it and it’s hard to remember why you’re
doing it in the first place.  The hardcore Ads have to get as
many “hits” as possible, and getting seen by someone with an IC is
getting a hit.  It’s hard to imagine, but your brain can
process every single thing you see and with the help of an IC, can
distribute that information to the world, including information
like where you saw the ad, and who was responsible for you seeing
that ad.  So, if you’re an Ad, the best thing you can do is to
be seen by as many people as possible.  Sometimes Ads will
just walk in front of you, hoping you notice at least some of the
1000s of ads they are displaying.  For a short time, this
brought back the phenomenon of trying to be seen behind live news
reporters and streaking at sporting events.  
    Soon, being
seen streaking at sporting events just didn’t get enough hits, so
the desperate Ads were forced to find another way to get their
important word out to the people.  The next wave of Ads trying
to be seen was at tragedies like plane crashes, hurricanes and
terrorist attack locations.  When they rebuilt the World Trade
Center and it was destroyed for the 2 nd time, the most popular videos of
that day were the Johnny Knoxville wannabes doing quadruple
backflips off the roof while projecting 3D holographic ads for
Mountain Dew on the side of the building while it was
collapsing.
    Queue up the theme song to the
newest and most daring Jackass-like show out there, this one is
called Fucking Retards.  The theme song is basically a
computer playing three chords as fast as humanly possible, and slap
on top of that quickly cut images of buff, hot teenagers skating
through fireballs, doing hand plants on the roofs of skyscrapers as
the skyscraper explodes, a moron strapped to a rocket blasting off
for space, point blank shotgun blasts to the crotch and guys being
repeatedly run over by cars on the Super Highways and you have
yourself the intro to one of the highest rated (non dream) shows
around.
    “ Jackass was a bunch of pussies
dude!” Says the first Fucking Retard.
    “ Yea, none of them ever even died on
screen!” Laughs the second.
    “ They never even died on screen!”
They laughed together.
    “ FAGS!” they both yell together.
 Then they quickly grab each other and begin furiously making
out and licking each other’s faces.
    Once