The Reservoir Read Online Free PDF Page A

worrying about what could be…”
    Daniel acknowledged his words with a slight nod, reading the underlying message his best buddy was sending his way.  Stop worrying .
    “So, Daniel,” Kendall said, “what did you mean earlier, when you told us you were crazy—like the rest of ‘em’?”
    “Figures you’d bring that up,” Zack said with a weary sigh, shooting Kendall a look of daggers. 
    Daniel glanced around, taking in the faces of his four best friends, one by one.  He’d never told them about his biggest fear.  Except for Zack, he’d never told them the truth about his father.
     
    ***
     
    Daniel’s eyes were filled with indecision as he grappled with whether or not to tell his friends about his worst fears.  Once he said the words, he knew he could never take them back.  Sure, he understood on an intellectual level that mental illness was nobody’s fault—God knew, nobody sighed up for it.  But, still, would his friends look at him differently if they knew his secret?
    “Okay, look,” he said with a sigh, deciding to just go ahead and take the plunge, “there’s something I’ve never told you girls.  Zack knows, because, well, sometimes I just need to talk about it.  But for the most part, it’s been a secret that I’ve kept since I was really little.” 
    He had his friends’ attention now.  “Go on, Daniel,” Kendall urged softly.
    “Okay, wow.”  He let out a tremulous breath.  “Okay, here goes.  My … dad … has mental illness.”  He glanced at Zack, who nodded, urging him on.  “He’s um, he’s a paranoid schizophrenic.  I also have two cousins who have one form of mental illness or another.  It’s, um, apparently hereditary.”
    Holly gasped, as did Niqui.  Kendall moved closer to Daniel and urged him to continue talking by placing a hand on his arm.  “It’s okay, Daniel.  Go on.”
    “He, my dad, I mean, uh, well, he has periods of time where he seems fine, you know.  He can hold a job, take care of the house, you know—be normal in general.  But then, something will happen…”  He paused and swallowed hard.  “Something always happens that causes a mental breakdown—that sends him back into, well, wherever he goes in his head.  He gets all paranoid, starts thinking the neighbors are after him, stuff like that.  It’s … hard.”
    “Daniel, I’m so sorry,” Holly said, reaching for his hand.  “Why didn’t you tell us?”
    He shrugged helplessly.  “It’s just not something you talk about.”
    “But it’s no disgrace, you know,” Kendall said.  “It’s not his fault.  Isn’t there medication that can help him?”
    “It’s weird, but sometimes medications work, sometimes they don’t.  Getting him halfway all right usually involves a cocktail of meds, and it usually takes months to find the magic bullet.  And then, when he finally seems all right again, the doctors take him off the meds.”  Daniel shook his head, his brows furrowed low over his eyes.  “I don’t know why they take him off the meds.  Why don’t they just leave him on his meds ?”  He choked back a sob, and his friends leaned forward one by one to wrap him in a brief hug. 
    “Like Kendall said, it’s not his fault,” Niqui said softly.
    “It’s true,” Zack agreed.  “It’s not his fault.”  He straightened in his seat. “But the person who has mental illness is like the alcoholic who drinks too much.  Everybody says, oh, man, it’s a disease.  He didn’t ask for it.  He can’t help it.  But damage is still done to the people around him, you know.”
    “Mental illness isn’t like that at all,” Niqui protested.  “How is that like mental illness?  The alcoholic chose to take that first drink.  The alcoholic is accountable for his actions.  The mentally ill person, on the other hand, didn’t do anything, per se, to bring on crazy…”
    “I know, but what I mean to say, and not very well, I guess,” Zack murmured, “is