The Recovery Read Online Free PDF Page A

make.”
    James laughed and they walked down to room 237. He slipped the keycard into the lock and pushed the door open with his foot, taking a tentative look around before turning back to Realm.“I talked the guy into giving us the best room. And if this is it, we would have been screwed otherwise. Thank God I’m so persuasive.”
    Realm moved past him into the room. Of course, he’d been right; the place was a dump. Yellow, floral-patterned wallpaper that was probably once white. Navy-blue bedsheets with threads snagged and hanging out. “At least it doesn’t smell,” Realm said, testing out the bed and deciding that it was passable. It was only for a night.
    Realm noticed when the bass from the Mustang’s stereo faded, driving off the premises. He wondered briefly about the girl, but once James shut the door and took up space on the other twin bed, Realm forgot about her and thought about tomorrow.
    “Is it worth it?” he asked James. “What I’m doing to them . . . is it worth it?”
    “Yes,” James said without hesitation. “You owe them the truth. And the more you give them, the less you have to carry.”
    Realm considered the statement, and although he was still raw from his interaction with Ally, deep down, he did feel slightly better. Lighter. He had a long way to go, but he was starting to see that this would help him. This would help him forgive himself.
    •  •  •
    It was the middle of the night when Realm heard a rustling sound, a sniffle. He was drawn awake. Alarmed, he turned and found James awake in bed, the lights from the neon sign of the motel filtering in through the thin curtains and falling over his face.
    “James?” Realm asked, sitting up. “You okay?” Across the room, James was flat on his back, staring at the ceiling. Realm wondered if he’d had another nightmare, something that plagued him from time to time since taking the Treatment. Memories that would haunt him.
    “No,” James replied, his voice scratchy.“I can’t stop thinking.”
    “You know better,” Realm said, trying to lighten the moment. But then James shifted his eyes to look at Realm and it silenced him.
    “I love her, you know,” James said, sounding far too vulnerable, too sad.
    “Yeah, I know,” Realm said. Normally he’d want to avoid a conversation about Sloane, but it was clear James needed to talk. “She loves you, too,” Realm offered with a slight twist in his gut.
    James shook his head. “It’s not the same,” he said.
    “What do you mean?”
    “The way she loves me,” James said. “It’s not the same as it was before. I remember everything. I know exactly what we had. It was never about her brother, about Brady’s death.” James took in a shaky breath, and continued. “She’s the only girl I’ve ever loved. The only one I ever will. But no matter how many times I tell her, she’ll never really get it. She’ll never know how much I fucking love her.”
    Realm felt a lump form in his throat. “You’re wrong,” he told James. “I was there. I saw her in The Program. You’ll never know how much she loved you ,” Realm said. “She fought like hell to hold on to you. She would have done anything. Anything at all.”
    James closed his eyes, misery passing over his features. “We have years,” he said. “Years of memories. But now they’re just mine. And sometimes it hurts too much. I would give anything for her to just tell me she understands. But she doesn’t understand—not like she used to. Sloane can’t feel it the way that I do. She’ll never love me the same.”
    Realm knew that James was right. Sloane’s memories of their life together were gone, and they would never come back. In The Program, she fought hard against the doctors, nurses, and handlers—but in the end, The Program won.
    “It’s my fault,” Realm whispered. “I helped take you away. She toldme everything about you, James. How much she couldn’t imagine life without you. How she