The Passion Agency Read Online Free PDF

make fun of with my parents. I found out
the reality that it’s not their fault. It’s about starting out
playing from behind with money and never being able to catch
up.
     
    My life ambition goes from pursuing my dream to run
my own salon for women, to just not being on the streets. Being
poor is ok, but being a bum is not. I couldn’t be a bum even if
that is what it might take. I’d have my day back. I could pursue my
dreams from the ground up with no big responsibilities hanging over
my head. Like paying for the house expenses, food for Brea and I,
making sure there is gas in the car and the right papers on it to
keep it on the road. All those things cost money and they take a
lot of my time to make the money.
     
    I could never let Brea down. She is my baby girl. She
is blameless for everything in my eyes. I have never been a great
mother to her. It’s the truth and it hurts to admit it. It isn’t
the fact that I didn’t buy into all the stuff about how you have to
teach them right from wrong and morals.
     
    I mean come on! I don’t think morals would have made
any difference in whether or not she decided to starting letting my
boyfriend screw her. I think maybe feeling really wanted and
important might have made a difference. She was banging for the
same reason I was banging Chris all that time. We both want to feel
wanted and loved.
     
    I failed to give that to her. We don’t communicate
and never have much because when it didn’t look like normal mother
daughter personality type stuff like I always imagined it, I quit.
It looked like work and I totally gave up.
     
    I did the provider and cool friend role. I let the
hole she had in her life from not having a dad around grow bigger
and get worse. I abused her by neglecting her emotional needs. I
let her not care because I didn’t care like a real mom should. I
don’t know where we go from here, but I hope she first realizes she
did wrong, but second I don’t love her any less.
     
    I am not judging her and that we’ll get by this
discomfort. That she can do what she wants as a very young adult
and I’ll still love her.
     
    I know this all sounds good. It feels great to write
it!!! But will I actually follow through? It is going to take time.
Life for me is already busy enough.
     
    I just don’t know but I know things have to change. I
am 40 and my life is passing me by. The curse of me is I know what
I can be, but I don’t know how to get there. I believe it’s
possible to live my dreams. I don’t KNOW it’s possible. That’s my
problem.
     
    I see these all these things in the world and I don’t
think they are right. For example, I hate the way these models with
all their fancy make up and photoshopping make women feel inferior.
That stuff has probably done more to make me feel inferior. That
and subsidizing a stiff like Chris more than any other factor.
     
    It destroys my confidence when I can’t measure up. So
many of these girls are stuck chasing a phony image of what beauty
actually is. The fucking men buy in even worse. I can’t compete
with my daughter and I shouldn’t have to. But the young dominate
the old when it comes to women getting men and all that.
     
    Romance ain’t dead. Just for women over 35 who don’t
have the man they chose when they were 25. I hate it.
     
    There isn’t anything I can do about it either. So
many ideas I come up with to make things better. I never get to try
them out because I am beating my head against the wall collecting
water bills for Inglewood or serving people eggs and bacon at a
restaurant.
     
    I told my daughter and Chris they would need to start
chipping in with the rent right after I surprised them going at it
in my daughter’s room. One thing I have to say as an aside is I
can’t imagine seeing anything as odd and shocking as what I saw
when I looked at the two of them naked and embarrassed on Brea’s
bed.
     
    I feel like I can take anything on and not worry if
it is too much to