The One That Got Away Read Online Free PDF Page A

shift at the mall was quiet. The downside of that was it gave her plenty of time to replay everything Jarocki had said during their session that morning. She knew he was challenging her, forcing her to examine her behavior and her mental mindset, but she didn’t like it. Jarocki made it sound so simple: event A resulted in behavior B, and if behavior B wasn’t modified, it would lead to result C. She wasn’t a machine. She was a person and far too complex to be pigeonholed, as Jarocki had pointed out.
    Am I, though?
    Completing her final walk through of the mall before she clocked out, she looked at her workplace with fresh eyes. Had she really chosen this place because it was the most dangerous mall in the Bay Area? Had she become a rent-a-cop just to put herself in harm’s way? Was it all done to punish herself? That theory made her sound so shallow and childish.
    She didn’t buy Jarocki’s psychobabble. She had taken the mall-cop job for good reasons. People treated her differently when she returned to UC Davis after the abduction. A label had attached itself to her—victim. Everyone knew what had happened to her, and that event redefined her in their eyes. She had to get away from it. She could have switched schools, but she wanted to start over and do something as different from her PhD as she could get. Mall security was it. She had also found the job attractive because it didn’t require any qualifications or life commitment. She protected the mall one day at a time. When her shift ended, so did the work. You moved people on when they needed it, and if you caught someone stealing, you handed them off to the cops. No fuss, no muss, no strings. There was no mental conspiracy to harm herself. She believed the job was one that wouldn’t tax her, and truth be told, she liked the idea of punishing those who broke the rules. She knew what Jarocki would say to that.
    She thought about Jarocki’s cop suggestion. He’d picked that up from her. They’d talked a few times about what she wanted to do with her life, and she’d mentioned law enforcement. She wanted to stop people like the man who’d abducted her and Holli. It wouldn’t make up for leaving Holli behind, but maybe she could prevent others from being victimized.
    Could she really become a cop? It would take years. She didn’t have the time for that. She needed instant gratification. Also, she didn’t know how long her interest in it would last. Jarocki prattled on about PTSD being a passing phase. She could quite easily lose the desire to fight crime herself, so following the cop angle would be a total waste of time for everyone.
    She smiled at the thought. She’d use that argument on Jarocki the next time he pulled that one from his psychologist’s arsenal.
    She went into the staff locker room and changed out of her stiff, barely comfortable uniform. She clipped her pants onto a hanger. They managed to maintain their shape, whether she was wearing them or not. That was polyester for you.
    In her own clothes, she slipped unnoticed from the mall. She rode home on her aged motorcycle. The VW had to go after the event. It had brought back too many memories. It was just another of those life adjustments she had to make. She never called what had happened “her escape” or “attempted murder.” She hadn’t escaped, not really. And she didn’t like to remind herself of how close she’d come to death. She always thought of it as “the event” or, if she felt brave, “the abduction.”
    The motorcycle was efficient in the rush-hour crush from Richmond to San Francisco. While everyone sat in endless rows of traffic, she could lane split. She made it home to her apartment complex before 8:00 and jumped into the shower. She spent the next hour doing her hair and makeup before squeezing into a cherry-red cocktail dress, which rode the rail between sophisticated and slutty. It was short enough and plunging enough to show off her assets, but cut