The Nothing Man Read Online Free PDF Page A

sons-of-bitches. I can drink with you and enjoy it. I can let you do me a little favor without having the slightest desire to puke. In a sort of hideous way, I actually like you. But-"
    "I like you, too, Brownie. You're my kind of people."
    "Now, let's not carry this too far," I said. "But speaking of favors, Stuke, I do you one every day. Every time I sit down at my typewriter without writing that Lem Stukey is the chief pimp, gambler, all-around and overall racketeer of Pacific City I'm doing you a favor. And any time you think I'm not-"
    "Brownie!" he spread his hands. "Did I say no? I know you could blast me. You're the only guy that could. From what I hear, you could maybe write a story that old lovey drawers was beating his own wife, and he'd see that it went on the front page… I know, see? I got the highest appreciation for you friendship. I know what you can do, or I wouldn't be asking-"
    "Don't," I said. "Don't ask. I'm too tired even to tell you to go to hell."
    "Hard day, huh?" He shook his head sympathetically. "I'll give you a couple bottles when you leave. Anything I can do, keed, anything at all. Just put a name to it."
    I sighed and picked up my glass. He was a hard man to say no to, but no was all you could say. Once you said yes, you'd keep right on saying it the rest of your life.
    "All right, Stuke," I said. "Let's get back to the beginning. I said I was immune. I can drink your whisky, talk with you, spend an evening with you now and then. I can do you the negative favor of doing nothing. But that's all I can do. That's all I will do. I will not, as you put it, give you the smallest boost. I will not, either by word or deed, do anything which might even remotely assist in making you county judge."
    "Aw, Brownie. Why-?"
    "I've told you. You're a menace, a plague, a son-of-abitch. You do enough damage where you are, but at least you're bracketed within fairly narrow boundaries. I shudder to think of you operating in the almost unlimited periphery of the judiciary."
    "Okay. Throw the big words at me. Show me up. I ain't had no education. I'm just a poor boy who worked hard and-"
    "Broth-er!" I said. "When you say that, smile!"
    "Well"-he smiled a little sheepishly-"I got an idea how you feel, Brownie. You think a man ought to be a lawyer to-"
    "Not necessarily," I said. "The job doesn't require it, and I've known some pretty good judges who weren't lawyers. It could work out, although it violates general precedent, if-if, my dear Lem-a man was sincere, honest, and devoted to the public's interest. Which you are not… No, Stuke, you stay where you are and there'll be no trouble from me. Mr. Lovelace wants the Courier all sweetness and light. No scandal, no exposйs, nothing that would reflect on the fair name of Pacific City. That's the way he wants it, and that's the way he shall have it-up to a point. You won't be knocked; you won't be blasted out of your present job. But neither will you be boosted upstairs."
    He was silent a moment, his black, beady eyes fixed on me in an unblinking stare. Then he shrugged with pretended indifference.
    "Suit yourself, Brownie. I was just trying to be a pal to you. The bandwagon's already rolling, and I thought maybe you'd want to hop on."
    I choked and coughed. I laughed so hard I almost fell out of my chair. "Stuke. Please!"
    "You think I'm lyin', huh?"
    "Of course you're lying. When did you ever do anything else?"
    "I got plenty of influential friends. How you think I climbed into this job?"
    "Like you say," I said, "by working hard. You brought your little red-handled shovel to work with you, and you dug twenty-four hours a day. Before the alarums and excursions were sounded, you had uncovered any number of figurative but exceedingly smelly bodies. Now? Huh-uh. Alas, poor Stuke, they know you well. No more bodies. No county judgeship. No-and I'm probably offending etiquette in mentioning it-whisky in this bottle."
    He laughed and popped the cork on another quart.