The Night Before Christmas Read Online Free PDF Page A

little less worried that, now she was officially his consort, he’d done with romancing her and no further effort was required. It was true, Stephen had made her a better, more mature woman; he’d made her care more about the world outside of her bubble, too, and Lydia loved him for that. But she doubted that he’d love all the vain, silly, paranoid, immature little thoughts that still ran around her head, no matter how grown up and sensible the world around her demanded she be.
    She doubted that he’d love her nagging, persistent fantasy that at least some of the passion he had so much of should be directed towards ravishing her every chance he got. By that same token, she wished that the touch of his hand, even in passing, would ignite her with desire. She wanted to share a look between them across a crowded room, a look full of a promise, of longing to be fulfilled as soon as a room with a door that locked could be found. Secretly, Lydia had always expected the man she married to kiss like Rhett Butler, to kiss her like every woman deserved to be kissed. Instead, since she had found the ring, Lydia felt more and more like Holly Golightly in
Breakfast at Tiffany’s
, pretending to be the sort of person she simply wasn’t. Holly tried to hide the raggle-taggle runaway she really was behind avacuous veneer of glamour and sophistication. Sometimes, Lydia found the struggle to hide her imperfections from her perfect man simply exhausting.
    She also couldn’t help but feel that, even if every relationship did reach this stage, when its mere existence was enough for both parties to live in easy contentment, it really shouldn’t come quite so early on, even before a proposal. She thought of the last time she’d plucked up the courage to initiate sex with Stephen. He’d already been in bed and she’d just watched Harry finally realising he was meant to be with Sally, so her heart was full of the conquering power of love to overcome any obstacle, even an exhausted boyfriend. Gingerly, Lydia had crept naked into bed, pressing the length of her body against Stephen’s back and running her fingers lightly up his thigh. Before she could explore any further, he’d stopped her hand with his own, patting it firmly and then removing it from his leg entirely, returning it to her own.
    ‘Sorry, darling, do you mind? I’m just desperate for a good night’s sleep.’
    Lydia remembered how the sting of such a mild, thoughtless rejection had kept her awake for hours, staring into the dark.
    No one knew better than her exactly what chasing the fantasy of romance and passion got you: a succession of broken hearts and a life full of chaos and confusion, bouncing from one disappointment to thenext. At least with Stephen she knew he would be there at the head of the table every Christmas, always. And for her, more than most, that should be enough.
    Yet somehow, it wasn’t.
    Now, glancing over at Stephen, who, despite the almost totally clear road, was driving a sensible three miles below the speed limit, Lydia sighed inwardly. She was determined that this was going to be her perfect Christmas. The only person that could stop it happening exactly the way she dreamed was her.
    ‘Listen …’ Lydia breached the silence as Stephen took the slip road off the motorway onto a road that snaked into the mountainous countryside. ‘I just want to say thank you for agreeing to come. I can’t wait to see all the girls in one place again, that’s true. But there isn’t anyone I’d rather spend Christmas with than you.’
    ‘I know this means a lot to you,’ Stephen smiled in acknowledgement. ‘And I know it will be great. It’s just … I know we seem to have been a bit like ships that pass in the night, recently. My work at the drop-in centre has taken over a bit, and your chambers have been keeping you flat out. I’m always exhausted, you always stay up far too late watching those silly old films of yours. We have been less than