The New Naked: The Ultimate Sex Education for Grown-Ups Read Online Free PDF

cakes. No salt and sugar,” I told him.
    “Come on,” he said, “that’s all I wanna eat.”
    “Well, that’s what you’ve got to work on,” I replied. “Start slow. Cut out one bagel a day. It’s nothing but junk flour and salt. You don’t need it.”
    “Bagels have salt?” he said.
    “Yes, a lot. Bread is full of salt. Fat’s not the enemy—sugar is.And too much salt. Always taste your food before you sprinkle salt on it.”
    I could see him mulling this over, so I moved to the next point and asked, “Now that you’re feeling better, what about your sex life? How often are you having sex with your wife?”
    “Every couple of months or so,” he said quickly.
    Which meant never .
    “Okay,” I said, “why do you think that is?”
    “I don’t know, doc. Maybe you could talk to my wife.”
    “I’d be happy to, but let me just say that no woman is going to want to have sex that isn’t pleasurable. Are you using enough lubrication?”
    “Sure, she’s lubricated, everything like that.”
    “So what do you think is the problem?”
    “Well, I kinda last a long time. When we do have sex, she has an orgasm or whatever,” Sam added. I wasn’t sure if he was telling the truth or not. “Then she turns around and waits for me to finish.”
    Aha, here we go. “How often do you masturbate?” I asked. “Once a day, once every two days? Are you good at it?”
    He smiled smugly. “I’m very good at it.”
    There it was—the reason why they never had sex. If a man tells me he’s a great lover because he lasts forever, I know there’s a satisfaction problem for his partner. She may have had an orgasm, be feeling great, and just want the sex to end and to have a lovely long hug before bed. But he’ll still be going at it.
    If he’s been watching too much porn (which I’ll get to in Lesson 4 ), he may be thinking that’s the only way to be “great” in bed. Most porn movies feature extensive scenes where the men pump and pump and pump and the women moan in “ecstasy.”In truth, they’re all faking it and likely thinking of nothing more satisfying than hearing the director say, “Cut.”
    Or, like Sam, he could be equating great sex with how frequently he can ejaculate, because he was used to copious ejaculations through masturbation. Which is another very common mistake. But as we’ll see in the next section, since his masturbation was all about this ejaculation, he couldn’t ejaculate when he was with his wife any more.
    Needless to say, Sam had a lot of work to do on his sexual skills. Sure, he was brilliant at pleasuring himself—to the detriment of pleasuring his wife. His technique was fine for a horny fifteen-year-old but not for an adult who wanted a satisfying relationship and sex life. He needed a refresher course on how to have good mutual sex, pronto!
    Hands On: Men and Masturbation
    Let’s take a step back and look at the psychology and physiology behind masturbating. Masturbation, or self-pleasuring, is as normal a human activity as walking or talking. Infant boys typically discover that fondling their penis feels good, and infant girls discover the marvels of their vaginas. They may play with themselves often unless prevented from doing so by adults. (Of course they don’t ejaculate until puberty and the maturation of the genitals.) In short, masturbation is a healthy, pleasurable activity that men and women of all ages engage in, whether they’re in an active relationship or not.
    I’ve found that women don’t like to talk about their partner’s masturbation habits and usually underestimate howmuch of it goes on regularly. Some men engage in it a lot. I’m not talking about teenage boys whose intense hormonal surges make masturbation practically a necessary relief during puberty. I’m talking about normal, sexually fulfilled men. Not surprisingly, younger men tend to masturbate more often than older men. Men who don’t have a regular partner masturbate more often, too,