The (New and Improved) Loving Dominant Read Online Free PDF Page B

available evidence doesn’t seem to fit. Before I took to writing full time, I was the vice president of a successful market research company. Many of my fellow dominants in and out of the major scene organizations hold stressful, high-pressure jobs and do very well.
    If our motivation isn’t the reverse of the submissive’s motivation, what is it? I have come to the conclusion that the essence of what motivates me are two interlocking items. One factor is that I get a tremendous charge from my partner’s pleasure. BDSM is a wonderful way to get someone off more intensely than most vanilla people can imagine.
    Many teachers and guides say that one of their major rewards is to see someone excited by a new idea or an unexpected vista. Having been a college professor, I know exactly what they mean, and I can see a definite kinship between that feeling and the feeling I get watching a woman in a paroxysm of pleasure. There is a feeling of accomplishment knowing I have helped someone climb higher and go further than he or she could have gone alone.
    Another factor in my attraction to the dominant role is that the BDSM situation allows me to be in almost complete control. In today’s modern world, this is a situation that is becoming more and more difficult to attain. In fact, the more powerful one becomes, the more it seems that he or she is buffeted by collateral factors and outside forces.
    For example, to a naive observer, I may seemed to be in complete control in my office. However, I have to depend on my employees doing their jobs correctly. I have to depend on suppliers to be on the ball. Much of what I seem to control I really “managed,” a much less satisfactory situation. In BDSM, I am in complete control, to fail or succeed as my talents and imagination permit. I control every factor, and I do not have to depend on anyone. Any object I depend on (whips, ropes, suspension gear) I can test and retest until I am certain it works. Being in that kind of control pleases me intensely.
    This, of course, may not be the true cause of these feelings. No mirror is completely accurate and ego is a subtle distorter of fact. I can only urge you to look into your own hearts and, most importantly, enjoy.

Consent and Consensuality
    Consent is more than just an ideal for BDSM relationships; it is a touchstone, an axiom, a sacrament. Without full, knowing consent, relationships are in immediate danger of becoming brutal exploitative affairs without beauty or elegance.
    Consent can vary from the very specific (“You can do this, this and this, but not that”) to a simple knowing acceptance (“I trust that you will do nothing to harm me”). However, it must be constantly present and mutually respected within the relationship.
    You don’t have to say exactly what you mean
    Safewords are central to consent in BDSM. Using these phrases permits the submissive to withdraw consent to a particular activity or terminate the scene at any point without endangering the illusion that the dominant is in complete control.
    An acceptable safeword can be “no” or “stop.” All that is required is that it be clearly understood as an unequivocal signal that there is a problem and the submissive wants to stop. One of my favorites is “Stop what you are doing right now or when I get loose I’ll rip your balls (tits) off and shove them down your throat.” It is certainly unequivocal.
    However, many submissives enjoy an illusion of nonconsensuality and relish being able to beg for mercy with unrestrained fervor. For these, the use of such blandishments is an inherent part of the trappings of the scene. For them, phrases that would not be used in the heat of the scene are the best safewords. Expressions like “red light” and “give me mercy, mistress” are common. One problem that can be encountered is, that by the time a safeword is needed, the submissive may be so caught up in the excitement of the scene that he or she has forgotten what