The Midnight Plan of the Repo Man Read Online Free PDF

asking Jimmy what it meant when a woman told you she had a boyfriend and then handed you her phone number. Jimmy’s had more experience with ladies than anybody I know. But then I thought better of it—what if Jimmy said it didn’t mean anything special? I wasn’t ready for that kind of news.
    When I stood the two girls at the bar went on high alert, preparing to swoop as soon as I stopped polluting the situation.
    Claude looked ready to have a heart attack. “Where the hell have you been?” he grated, despite the fact that I had not been out of his sight for a single second. “I told you this was important!”
    â€œI went backpacking across Europe,” I told him, sitting back down. “What’s up, Claude?”
    Wilma leaned forward. “Claude and I are going to be set for life,” she announced triumphantly.
    â€œWilma!” Claude barked, irritated with her.
    â€œTell him, honey,” she urged.
    â€œIt’s my idea, and then you go and spoil it,” he pouted.
    â€œI didn’t spoil it!” she snapped, her voice rising. Becky raised her head up in alarm, worried the Wolfingers were getting ready to start throwing things. I waved a hand at her.
    â€œClaude,” I said sternly. “Wilma didn’t say anything. You want to tell me your plan? Because I could really use some money right about now.”
    â€œYeah, okay. Well, like I was saying,” he started, giving Wilma a fierce look, “you ever heard of a little thing called the Witness Protection Program? Where they set you up in business, give you a new name and a house and everything?”
    â€œI’m going to have a pet shop,” Wilma proclaimed.
    â€œWilma! Would you let me tell it?”
    â€œWe’re moving to Florida!” she added happily.
    â€œWe’re not going anywhere if you don’t learn to keep your trap shut!” Claude thundered.
    â€œHey!” I shouted. They turned to me, blinking as if just noticing I was there. “You mind telling me what this is all about?”
    â€œWell, remember when I saw that guy smashing the headlights on the front row of cars at the dealership?” Claude asked.
    I nodded.
    â€œThey caught the guy,” Claude announced delightedly.
    I looked at the two of them beaming at me. “And?” I prompted.
    â€œI’m a witness!” They clinked glasses in congratulations.
    â€œWhat a couple of idiots,” I heard the bear say. I froze, then turned my head slowly, looking for what had sounded like someone bent over and speaking directly into my ear. Jimmy had joined the two girls at the bar, and the bear was still immobile in attack, lips not moving, all the way across the room. There was no one else within ten feet of me.
    â€œWitness Protection Program,” I repeated, just to hear my own voice. I sounded like myself—the bear’s voice, while male, was pitched higher.
    â€œI’m going to tell them to make me a pharmacist,” Claude avowed.
    I pulled myself back into the conversation and gazed at the glowing couple. “Sounds like a great plan,” I told them with as much sincerity as I could muster. “Tell me again why this is such good news for me?”
    â€œWe’re going to ask that you be our personal bodyguard, Ruddy,” Wilma informed me. “Just until we leave Kalkaska, but still.”
    â€œYou know how much money those guys make?” Claude wanted to know.
    I opened my mouth to answer when a motion caught my eye. I turned and watched in amazement as Jimmy Growe, his arms waving, flew backward across the room, falling to the floor with a crash.

 
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    3
    Something Feels Wrong
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    In the shocked silence following Jimmy’s fall I tracked his trajectory back to its source: a nasty-looking guy I hadn’t noticed coming in, with long, black hair and a goatee clinging to a threadlike existence on his chin. He was one of those guys for