The Man Who Lost the Sea Read Online Free PDF Page A

eyes began to water and his throat hurt him.
    He hadn’t stolen anything. He felt cheated, betrayed, lost.
    And Mr. Skerry was nicer to him on Friday afternoon than anyone had ever been since his aunts died. He told Lulu that he now possessed a very respectable sum of money which he’d do well to—direct quote—“let that fine woman take care of for you.” When he got no reaction from Lulu—who had gone numb again—he sighed and helped him deposit most of the money in a savings account and some of it in a checking account.
    He even showed him how to make out a check and keep up the stubs. He really took a lot of trouble over Lulu, who absorbed perhaps a fifth of what he was saying and ultimately escaped into the sunlight again.
    He found Friday’s shopping list and blindly went through the routine of marketing and getting home, the stairs, the key, the putting away of the groceries. Then he went into the living room and sat, or collapsed, into his chair in the corner by the radio.
    He was confused and despairing, lost especially in the once securely-blueprinted stretches of the future. More than anything else, he wanted back what he had lost—this apartment, this routine, Ivy’s protective handling of everything. His hand strayed to the radio dialbut he could not switch it on because of the envelope which was propped against it. The envelope had his name on it in Ivy’s quick accurate handwriting. Wondering, he tore it open and unfolded the sheet of letter paper within and squared himself away to read the communication through. He read every word in quick succession without grasping the letter’s meaning at all. He was just getting the feel of the words the first time around. Then he started over, reading each sentence slowly for the meaning alone.
    Dear Lulu:
    I am going away right from work today instead of tomorrow morning. So don’t do so many potatoes and be sure to put my half of the liver in the freezer part
.
    I am going away early this week because I want to think about things. What happened about the bonds opened my eyes a whole lot, and I have to look around with my eyes open. You must believe me when I say I never meant to keep the savings away from you. You have got to believe me. Please. It’s just that in arranging everything to suit myself I never thought you might feel hurt and not understand. It was all done to make everything simple for you but now I want to arrange everything to make it fair. I am very sorry Lulu. Don’t worry if what I’m saying doesn’t make sense right now. It will later. You’ll see
.
    Lulu please, please don’t do anything silly. Don’t go away and leave me whatever you do. You don’t know how to take care of yourself. If you want to go later, well, all right. But give me a chance to teach you how to do for yourself. I am so afraid you will get yourself into some awful trouble
.
    Lulu you are a good person, a very good person who could not do a bad thing if you tried. I don’t like myself very much just now, and I am not surprised if you don’t either. I want to help you and do some things over I have done wrong. So please don’t go away. I’ll be worried sick. Believe me about the bonds, it’s the truth. Now you have your share you can believe me, can’t you? Only just don’t go away anywhere
.
    Ivy
    The last paragraph contained several crooked lines and words crossed out here and there and squinched up so that reading them took time. Lulu read the last part four times, and then he drew down the paper and glared at the radio. “I am not!” he barked in the same furious voice with which he had frightened Ivy by accident once.
     … 
a very good person who could not do a bad thing if you tried
. “I am
not!
” he shouted for the second time. He stamped across the room and back again, and what he felt uncurling somewhere in the region of his solar plexus was a new thing, a frightening thing. It was anger—and nothing that he had ever experienced in his