The Man Who Ate the 747 Read Online Free PDF Page A

for writing about your cow. According to our records, the oldest bovine lived 48 years 9 months. Big Bertha died on December 31, 1993, in County Kerry, Ireland. By the way, the record for the heaviest cow is 5,000 pounds.
    Good luck setting your own world record someday, Tommy. You’re well on your way.
    Yours,
J.J. Smith
Keeper of the Records
    The rest of the pile would have to wait for his response, but he thumbed through, loving the misspellings and funny grammar, hoping to find something, anything, worth pursuing.
    Dear Mister
,
    I’m Hank Caldwell and my speciality is meat-loaf sculptures.
    I read your book and don’t see a record of meat-loaf sculptures. Is there one?
    Hank Caldwell
Chilton, Alabama
    To the Book of Records
,
    This is a new record catagory. My 2 front teeth are the mostest spread apart. Docter Honig measured and the distance is ⅓ inches. I can push a fish stick sideways between them.
    Everyone thinks I got a tooth knocked out, which I didn’t. I’m sending a picture for you to see.
    Thanks,
Jeanie Vandeveer
Boone, Indiana
    Dear Mr. or Mrs.
,
    I have the hardest hair in the whole world! Every day before school, I spray it with hair spray so when my friends touch it it doesn’t move even a little. I spray at night and it staysin the same place even sleeping. I use gel sometimes to make it more harder. Will you put me and my hardest hair in your book?
    Sincerly,
Brett Kwong
Madera, California
    Dear Book of Records
,
    Hi it’s Daryl again. This time I want to set the record for having the most sleep in my eyes. Does it count?
      
Send info.
    Daryl Healey
Braxton, West Virginia
    Dear Mr. and Mrs. Record Keeper
,
    My mother has the loudest yell. You can hear her all the way at the Ferguson’s at night. My dad and me would like it a lot if you wrote her in your book for this.
    Becky Lunzer
Hernando, Florida
    He felt as if he knew each one of these kids. He wished he could make their dreams come true and put them all in The Book. But it was getting late. He was out of luck this time. He flipped through the last few letters.
    Hello
,
    I want to stay in front of the TV the longest. My mom and day care providor don’tthink it’s a record. Please help me prove it to them.
    From,
Pete Persinger
Chatham, North Carolina
    Dear Editor
,
    My parakeet has the longest name. It has 20 seperate names and 135 letters.
    Here it is.
    Tweetie Valentine Popcorn Anna Dolly Ceci Sara Barbie Dumpling Peach Daisy Francesca Dominique Madeleine Fruity Poptart Sweetness Beverly Jesus Krotzinger.
    Signed,
Tracy Krotzinger
Wexford, Michigan
    As he closed the file, he noticed one letter had slipped onto the floor. It was written on a piece of lined, hole-punched paper.
    Dear Record Man
,
    You won’t believe it, but I know someone eating a 747, the airplane with the hump on top.
    Every day he eats some, no matter how bad it tastes. I sware.
    People think he’s crazy, but he isn’t. I know why he’s eating it. He has a good reason. Believe me.
    I looked in your book. You don’t have this one yet.
    The Guy Who Knows Superior, Nebraska
    Ps. I’ll get in trouble if anyone finds out I sent this letter.
    PPs. What’s the record for flying the furthest on a kite?
    On its face, the submission deserved an automatic rejection. For starters, anonymous submissions—
The Guy Who Knows
—turned out to be hoaxes most of the time. There were plenty of practical jokers out there, and the record keepers had to be vigilant. Furthermore, The Book had officially banned gluttony records in 1989 for a simple reason: It couldn’t afford the legal exposure with all those gourmands choking on hot dogs, goldfish, lightbulbs, and once even a Cadillac Seville.
    Still, he reread the letter. There was something authentic about it. He searched the penciled lines for clues.
I know someone eating a 747.
It was ludicrous but delicious, absolutely too good to be true, the kind of record Peasley craved. Lumpkin and Norwack would be put in their places.