The Long Dream Read Online Free PDF Page A

distractions for him and he could tell me what was on his mind. So we arranged it for later on that evening, and I was intrigued by this new development. He obviously hadn't got me out of his system yet, and I couldn't imagine what on earth he was going to come up with. Still, it was worth a try, as apart from his flirting, I really liked him and thought I had nothing to lose.
    I was loading the dishwasher when the doorbell rang. I'd asked the boys to go upstairs as Steve was coming round for a talk. So I let him in and we had the front room to ourselves.
    "Would you like something to drink?" I asked.
    "Tea would be lovely," he replied. So I went into the kitchen to make it.
    When I came back with two cups of tea, he was sitting on the sofa gazing out of the window. I sat on the armchair across the room so we were directly looking at each other.
    He took a sip of his tea and then leant forward, placing his elbows on his knees. "Thanks for doing this, Helen, I really appreciate it. I'd just like to explain that I think I know where I went wrong with you and how sorry I am."
    I was completely taken aback. "Do you really? What do you think it was then?"
    "Well, I've been talking about us to some of my friends at the squash club, and they might have put me straight. I think I've been really stupid and they pointed out to me about the way I'm always paying attention to other women when you're with me, which I never meant anything by, but they made me realise how it must have been very hurtful to you, and they could see how uncomfortable it made you feel. If it was that, why didn't you tell me?"
    "They're right, it was that, but I couldn't say anything without sounding like a jealous bitch, and I didn't want to get into a huge argument with you over it."
    "Helen, I really wish you'd said something to me, I'm sure I wouldn't have been angry with you."
    "But even if I had, could you do anything about it, could you stop yourself? I didn't want to risk it, so I gave up. I believe you should like someone for what they are, not what they might be if only they would change," I told him.
    "I've thought a lot about it, and this could have caused problems in the past with my previous girlfriends, but it's ridiculous that none of them ever told me."
    I leant back and crossed my arms. "Probably for the same reason I didn't want to. It's just too awkward, and if that's the way you are, perhaps you can't help it anyway."
    "Look Helen, I'm really fond of you and I've missed you so much. Now I'm aware of my behaviour, I desperately want to change and put it right. Will you give me a chance to prove myself?"
    I drank some more tea as I thought what to say next. "If you're flirting unconsciously, then how will you know you're doing it? You might not be aware of it until it's too late, or it could be a habit of a lifetime that you can't break?"
    Steve looked rather crestfallen, and I wondered if I still liked him enough to bother.
    "Yes, but I'm aware of it now, and you mean a lot to me. I really want to make the effort." He fell silent for a minute or two, contemplating what I had said to him.
    The atmosphere felt a bit tense so he decided to change the subject. "By the way, what have you been up to? I hear you've been seen around town lately?"
    "Nothing special. I've just been out with Jenny for a few drinks. It's just a bit of fun," I said playing it down.
    "Yes, but I hear you've been in the nightclub, and it's slightly unsavoury in there. It hasn't got a very good reputation, you know."
    I shrugged. "Well, I haven't been dancing for years, and it was great. It's certainly not done me any harm. Don't you think you're being a bit snobbish?"
    "Maybe. I've actually been in there once myself, ages ago, and thought it was a bit crap, but I know women like dancing a lot more than men, so I suppose it's understandable, especially after a few drinks. Anyway, I'm glad you enjoyed yourself, but we do occasionally have dancing at the squash club, you