The Life List Read Online Free PDF Page A

gullible. I believed in Charles Bohlinger. Like a mythical Santa Claus, my father would surely appear, if only I believed.
    “ ‘Your life goals touched me deeply. Some were funny, like number seven. Others were serious and compassionate, like number twelve: HELP POOR PEOPLE . You were always such a giver, Brett, such a sensitive, thoughtful spirit. It pains me now to see that so many of your life goals remain unfulfilled.’ ”
    “I don’t want these goals, Mother. I’ve changed.”
    “ ‘Of course you’ve changed,’ ” Midar reads.
    I snatch the letter from him. “Did she really say that?”
    He points to the line. “Right here.”
    The hairs on my arms rise. “Weird. Keep going.”
    “ ‘Of course you’ve changed, but darling, I fear you’ve abandoned your true aspirations. Do you even have any goals today?’ ”
    “Of course I do,” I say, racking my brain to come up with even one. “Before today, I hoped to run Bohlinger Cosmetics.”
    “ ‘The business was never a fit for you.’ ”
    Before I have time to grab the paper, Mr. Midar leans over, pointing to the sentence.
    “Oh, my God. It’s like she’s listening to me.”
    “Maybe that’s why she wanted me to read it aloud, so you two could have a bit of dialogue.”
    I blot my eyes with a Kleenex. “She always had a sixth sense. Whenever something bothered me, I never had to tell her. She’d tell me. And when I’d try to convince her otherwise, she’d look at me and say, ‘Brett, you’re forgetting, I made you. I’m the one person you can’t fool.’ ”
    “Nice,” he says. “That kind of connection is priceless.”
    I see it again, that flash of pain in his eyes. “Have you lost a parent?”
    “They’re both alive. They live in Champaign.”
    But he doesn’t say whether they’re healthy. I leave it alone.
    “ ‘I regret letting you work for Bohlinger Cosmetics all these years—’ ”
    “Mother! Thanks a lot!”
    “ ‘You were much too sensitive for that environment. You were a born teacher.’ ”
    “Teaching? But I hated teaching!”
    “ ‘You never gave it a fair chance. You had a terrible experience that year at Meadowdale, remember?’ ”
    I shake my head. “Oh, I remember all right. It was the longest year of my life.”
    “ ‘And when you came to me, crying and frustrated and filled with angst, I welcomed you into the business, and found a spot for you in the marketing department. I’d have done anything to erase that pain and worry from your beautiful face. Aside frominsisting you maintain your teaching certification over the years, I’ve let you abandon your true dream. I’ve allowed you to stay in a cozy, highly paid job that neither challenges nor excites you.’ ”
    “I like my job,” I say.
    “ ‘Fear of change makes us stagnant. Which leads me back to your life list. Please look at your goals as Brad continues reading.’ ”
    He positions the list in front of us and I study it, more carefully this time.
    “ ‘Of the original twenty, I’ve placed an asterisk beside the ten remaining goals I want you to pursue. Let’s begin with number one: HAVE A BABY , MAYBE TWO. ’ ”
    I groan. “This is insane!”
    “ ‘I fear you’ll forever live with a shadow on your heart if children—or at least a child—are not part of your life. Though I know many childless women who are happy, I do not believe you’re one of them. You were my girl who loved her baby dolls, who couldn’t wait to be twelve so she could babysit. You were the girl who used to swaddle Toby the cat in your baby blanket and cry when he’d wriggle free and leap from the rocking chair. Remember, darling?’ ”
    My laugh gets tangled in a sob. Mr. Midar hands me another tissue.
    “I do love kids, but …” I cannot finish the thought. It would require me to blame Andrew, and that’s just not fair. For some reason, the tears keep coming. I can’t seem to stop them. Midar waits, until finally I point