The Lady Astronaut of Mars Read Online Free PDF Page A

call me and I could ask him to be patient with that, but it was not fair to a child. We had talked and talked and I had built that eagle while I tried to grapple with the conflicts between my desires. I made the eagle looking back, holding an egg, at the choices behind it.
    And when Dorothy had asked me if I would have kids on Mars,  I put the regulation smile on, the one you learn to give while wearing 160 pounds of space suit in Earth gravity while a photographer takes just one more photo. I've learned to smile through pain, thank you. "Yes, honey. Every child born on Mars will be there because of me."
    "What about the ones born here?"
    The child of tragedy, the double-orphan. I had knelt in front of her and pulled the eagle out of my bag. "Those most of all."
    Standing in my kitchen, I lifted my head to look at Nathaniel. His eyes were bright. It took a try or two before I could find my voice again. "Did you know? Did you know which one she had?"
    "I guessed." He pushed into the kitchen, the walker sliding and rattling until he stood next to me. "The thing is, Elma, I'm going to be gone in a year either way. We decided not to have children because of your career."
    "We made that decision together."
    "I know." He raised a hand off the walker and put it on my arm. "I'm not saying we didn't. What I'm asking is that you make this career decision for me . I want you to go."
    I set the eagle back in its nest of tissue and wiped my eyes. "So you tricked her into coming out just to show me that?"
    Nathaniel laughed sounding a little embarrased. "Nope. Talked to Sheldon. There's a training session this afternoon that I want you to go to."
    "I don't want to leave you."
    "You won't. Not completely." He gave a sideways grin and I could see the young man he'd been. "My program will be flying with you." 
    "That's not the same."
    "It's the best I can offer."
    I looked away and caught Dorothy staring at us with a look of both wonder and horror on her face. She blushed when I met her gaze. "I'll stay with him."
    "I know and it was kind of Sheldon to ask but--"
    "No, I mean. If you go... I'll make sure he's not alone."
     
    #
     
    Dorothy lived in the middle of the great Mars plains in the home of Elma, who was an astronaut, and Nathaniel, who was an astronaut's husband. I live in the middle of space in a tiny capsule filled with punchcards and magnetic tape. I am not alone, though someone who doesn't know me might think I appear to be.
    I have the stars.
    I have my memories.
    And I have Nathaniel's last program. After it runs, I will make an eagle and let my husband fly.
     
    END