The Jeeves Omnibus - Vol 3 Read Online Free PDF Page A

passionate romance have I seen him through with females who looked like a cross between pantomime Fairy Queens and all-in wrestlers. There was a girl in the Hippodrome chorus –’
    He broke off these reminiscences, so fraught with interest to a fiancée, in order to say ‘Ouch!’ Monica had kicked him shrewdly on the ankle.
    ‘Tell me, darling,’ said Monica. ‘How did it happen? Suddenly?’
    ‘Quite suddenly. He was helping me give a cow a bolus –’
    Rory blinked. ‘A –?’
    ‘Bolus. Medicine. You give it to cows. And before I knew what was happening, he had grabbed my hand and was saying, “I say, arising from this, will you marry me?”’
    ‘How frightfully eloquent. When Rory proposed to me, all he said was “Eh, what?”’
    ‘And it took me three weeks to work up to that,’ said Rory. His forehead had become wrinkled again. It was plain that he was puzzling over something. ‘This bolus of which you were speaking. I don’t quite follow. You were giving it to a cow, you say?’
    ‘A sick cow.’
    ‘Oh, a sick cow? Well, here’s the point that’s perplexing me. Here’s the thing that seems to me to need straightening out.
Why
were you giving boluses to sick cows?’
    ‘It’s my job. I’m the local vet.’
    ‘What! You don’t by any chance mean a veterinary surgeon?’
    ‘That’s right. Fully licensed. We’re all workers nowadays.’
    Rory nodded sagely.
    ‘Profoundly true,’ he said. ‘I’m a son of toil myself.’
    ‘Rory’s at Harrige’s,’ said Monica.
    ‘Really?’
    ‘Floorwalker in the Hosepipe, Lawn Mower and Bird Bath department,’ said Rory. ‘But that is merely temporary. There’s a strong rumour going the rounds that hints at promotion to the Glass, Fancy Goods and Chinaware. And from there to the Ladies’ Underclothing is but a step.’
    ‘My hero!’ Monica kissed him lovingly. ‘I’ll bet they’ll all be green with jealousy.’
    Rory was shocked at the suggestion.
    ‘Good God, no! They’ll rush to shake me by the hand and slap me on the back. Our
esprit de corps
is wonderful. It’s one for all and all for one in Harrige’s.’
    Monica turned back to Jill.
    ‘And doesn’t your father mind you running about the country giving boluses to cows? Jill’s father,’ she explained to Rory, ‘is Chief Constable of the county.’
    ‘And very nice, too,’ said Rory.
    ‘I should have thought he would have objected.’
    ‘Oh, no. We’re all working at something. Except my brother Eustace. He won a Littlewood’s pool last winter and he’s gone frightfully upper class. Very high hat with the rest of the family. Moves on a different plane.’
    ‘Damn snob,’ said Rory warmly. ‘I hate class distinctions.’
    He was about to speak further, for the subject was one on which he held strong opinions, but at this moment the telephone bell rang, and he looked round, startled.
    ‘For heaven’s sake! Don’t tell me the old boy has paid his telephone bill!’ he cried, astounded.
    Monica took up the receiver.
    ‘Hullo? … Yes, this is Rowcester Abbey … No, Lord Rowcester is not in at the moment. This is his sister, Lady Carmoyle. The number of his car? It’s news to me that he’s
got
a car.’ She turned to Jill. ‘You don’t know the number of Bill’s car, do you?’
    ‘No. Why are they asking?’
    ‘Why are you asking?’ said Monica into the telephone. She waited a moment, then hung up. ‘He’s rung off.’
    ‘Who was it?’
    ‘He didn’t say. Just a voice from the void.’
    ‘You don’t think Bill’s had an accident?’
    ‘Good heavens, no,’ said Rory. ‘He’s much too good a driver. Probably he had to stop somewhere to buy some juice, and they need his number for their books. But it’s always disturbing when people don’t give their names on the telephone. There was a fellow in ours – second in command in the Jams, Sauces and Potted Meats – who was rung up one night by a Mystery Voice that wouldn’t give its name, and to cut a