The Inspector-General Read Online Free PDF Page B

to the Schukin bazaar, the shopkeepers cry,
"Gentlemen," at you. You sit with the officials in the ferry boat. If
you want company, you go into a shop. A sport there will tell you about
life in the barracks and explain the meaning of every star in the sky,
so that you see them all as if you held them in your hand. Then an old
officer's wife will gossip, or a pretty chambermaid will dart a look
at you—ta, ta, ta!
(Smirks and wags his head.)
And what deucedly civil
manners they have, too. You never hear no impolite language. They always
say "Mister" to you. If you are tired of walking, why you take a cab
and sit in it like a lord. And if you don't feel like paying, then you
don't. Every house has an open-work gate and you can slip through
and the devil himself won't catch you. There's one bad thing, though;
sometimes you get first class eats and sometimes you're so starved you
nearly drop—like now. It's all his fault. What can you do with him? His
dad sends him money to keep him going, but the devil a lot it does. He
goes off on a spree, rides in cabs, gets me to buy a theeadre ticket for
him every day, and in a week look at him—sends me to the old clo'es man
to sell his new dress coat. Sometimes he gets rid of everything down to
his last shirt and is left with nothing except his coat and overcoat.
Upon my word, it's the truth. And such fine cloth, too. English, you
know. One dress coat costs him a hundred and fifty rubles and he sells
it to the old clo'es man for twenty. No use saying nothing about his
pants. They go for a song. And why? Because he doesn't tend to his
business. Instead of sticking to his job, he gads about on the Prospect
and plays cards. Ah, if the old gentleman only knew it! He wouldn't care
that you are an official. He'd lift up your little shirtie and would lay
it on so that you'd go about rubbing yourself for a week. If you have
a job, stick to it. Here's the innkeeper says he won't let you have
anything to eat unless you pay your back bills. Well, and suppose we
don't pay.
(Sighing.)
Oh, good God! If only I could get cabbage soup. I
think I could eat up the whole world now. There's a knock at the door. I
suppose it's him.
(Rises from the bed hastily.)
Scene II
    Osip and Khlestakov.
    KHLESTAKOV. Here!
(Hands him his cap and cane.)
What, been warming the
bed again!
    OSIP. Why should I have been warming the bed? Have I never seen a bed
before?
    KHLESTAKOV. You're lying. The bed's all tumbled up.
    OSIP. What do I want a bed for? Don't I know what a bed is like? I have
legs and can use them to stand on. I don't need your bed.
    KHLESTAKOV
(walking up and down the room)
. Go see if there isn't some
tobacco in the pouch.
    OSIP. What tobacco? You emptied it out four days ago.
    KHLESTAKOV
(pacing the room and twisting his lips. Finally he says in a
loud resolute voice)
. Listen—a—Osip.
    OSIP. Yes, sir?
    KHLESTAKOV
(In a voice just as loud, but not quite so resolute)
. Go down
there.
    OSIP. Where?
    KHLESTAKOV
(in a voice not at all resolute, nor loud, but almost in
entreaty)
. Down to the restaurant—tell them—to send up dinner.
    OSIP. No, I won't.
    KHLESTAKOV. How dare you, you fool!
    OSIP. It won't do any good, anyhow. The landlord said he won't let you
have anything more to eat.
    KHLESTAKOV. How dare he! What nonsense is this?
    OSIP. He'll go to the Governor, too, he says. It's two weeks now since
you've paid him, he says. You and your master are cheats, he says, and
your master is a blackleg besides, he says. We know the breed. We've
seen swindlers like him before.
    KHLESTAKOV. And you're delighted, I suppose, to repeat all this to me,
you donkey.
    OSIP. "Every Tom, Dick and Harry comes and lives here," he says, "and
runs up debts so that you can't even put him out. I'm not going to fool
about it," he says, "I'm going straight to the Governor and have him
arrested and put in jail."
    KHLESTAKOV. That'll do now, you fool. Go down at once and tell him to
have dinner sent up. The coarse brute! The