The Heinie Prize Read Online Free PDF Page B

loosened my school tie. “Saint Mort? He’s the one who…freed all the moths,” I said. “You remember that story, right? How he freed all the moths? We always celebrate it on this day, and—”
    â€œShut your piehole, Bernie,” Mrs. Heinie said kindly. “Everyone take out a sheet of paper and number from one to two hundred.”
    It was going to be a lonnnnng test.
    Especially for me, since I didn’t even read the chapters!
    She passed out the test booklets, and I glanced at the questions. I knew I didn’t know any of the answers.
    But does Bernie B. know the meaning of the word panic ? No way.
    I can write my way out of any test.
    I lowered my head and started to write. I put down as much information as I knew. I even wrote a paragraph about Saint Mort and the moths.
    I wrote until my hand was sweating. I stopped to wipe it off on my blazer sleeve. And that’s when Isaw Sherman—copying my answers!
    I looked down again. I pretended I didn’t see him. But I did. I glanced over at him.
    Yes. His eyes were on my paper. He read my answers, then copied them word for word onto his own paper.
    Imagine that! Sherman Oaks copying off me. He probably forgot to buy the answers from someone.
    He was being very sneaky about it, too. Coughing into his hand as he read my paper. Pretending to sneeze while he read my answers.
    I decided to have some fun with him.
    I wrote:
    â€œMount McKinley is actually a very large, very tall person—not a mountain.”
    I glanced over and saw Sherman write it down on his paper.
    Then I wrote:
    â€œSanta Claus lives at the North Pole with all his elves.”
    Sherman wrote that down, too.
    This was fun. Giggling to myself, I wrote:
    â€œI’m a total jerk.”
    I followed Sherman’s pencil as he wrote: “I’m a total jerk.”
    I couldn’t help it. I burst out laughing. I gazed at Sherman’s paper. “Dude, you have such perfect handwriting,” I whispered.
    â€œOf course I do,” Sherman whispered back. “If you want to be outstanding, you have to have perfect handwriting.”
    I heard a book slam at the front of the room. “Bernie! Sherman!” Mrs. Heinie shouted. “Come see me, please.”
    Everyone in class turned to stare at us.
    â€œYou’re both out of here. I saw you cheating!” Mrs. Heinie said, pointing at us.
    â€œBut—but—” Sherman sputtered. “We weren’t cheating. He was just admiring my handwriting!”
    Mrs. H. rolled her eyes. “That’s the worst excuse I ever heard.”
    She motioned to the door. “Out of here. Both of you. And…you realize, I hope, that you are both out of the running for the Heinie Prize. Fuhgedaboutit!”
    Sherman gasped. “But I already have the displaycase!” He reached into his pocket and pulled out a hundred-dollar bill. He shoved it at Mrs. Heinie. “Will this help change your mind?”
    â€œOut! Both of you! Out!” Mrs. Heinie shouted.
    Sherman was shaking his head, muttering to himself. “She always liked my bribes. She told me I was going to win.” He was totally upset.
    But I had a grin on my face. Why?
    Because I’m a GENIUS! That’s why.
    Don’t you see? With Sherman out, Belzer actually stood a chance of winning the prize.
    Now I needed an idea. A big idea to make absolutely sure Belzer won.
    And the idea came to me as I was walking past Pooper’s Pond. I held my nose to keep out the smell of the muddy water. And as I started to cross the little bridge over the pond, the idea struck me:
    If Belzer saves my life, he’ll HAVE to be Most Outstanding Citizen!

Chapter 17
M OONLIGHT O VER P OOPER’S P OND
    That night I dragged Belzer to Pooper’s Pond. It was a bright, clear night. The smelly water of the small pond shimmered like silver in the moonlight.
    I pulled Belzer to the little stone bridge. “Here we are,” I