The General and the Horse-Lord Read Online Free PDF

trouble.
    At least Kim didn’t pretend not to understand. “You’re not in the army any longer. ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell’ has been repealed, remember? I should ask you what you think you’re doing.”
    “What does that have to do with such an egregious breach of my privacy in a public place? But we’re not going to talk about me, because this isn’t about me, right? Why would you try to hurt Gabriel that way? You know he’s got a family, kids. His son is fourteen. Whatever private life he’s chosen, it’s his private life, do you understand? His privacy. His life. You don’t own it, you don’t have any piece in it, and you don’t get to decide about the flow of information. How dare you, Kim?” Kim stared down at the table, eyes glistening. “But I don’t think you were trying to hurt him. You knew it would hurt me. Weak fighters always go for a sucker punch on their way to the floor.”
    Tears were standing in Kim’s eyes, and he looked as furious as John felt. “Of course it would hurt you! Because you’ve loved him for years. He’s been your lover for years. You think I don’t know? It just pisses me off that you’re living some kind of half-life, and dragging him into the shadows with you, just to, what, protect your reputation? I mean, I don’t get it. You’re retired now. It’s been a year. I thought you would step up and claim your life! You put it on hold for the military, I get it. There is a price to pay to serve, I understand that. You explained it to me and I accepted it. It was important work and somebody had to do it. But do you really think what you have is the best there is, or even in any way an acceptable life? If I had really thought, right about the time I realized I was gay, that the sort of life you lived was what my life was destined to be, I would have swallowed a handful of pills and been done with it.”
    John gripped the edge of the tabletop. “And do you really think life as a gay man was the same in 1972 as 2012? You think those years didn’t matter? You don’t know dick about my life, and you’re making a mistake if you’re trying to outthink me. I am not what this is about. Now, you tell me right now what the fuck happened to your face, or you can go out to the garage and start packing.”
    Kim stared down at the wooden tabletop for a long time, and then he reached across and took John’s wrist between two fingers. John let go of the tabletop and Kim slid his hand into his. “I’m sorry. And I’ll tell the Horse-Lord I’m sorry too. I was out of line.”
    “What happened?”
    “I went out with this guy I met. It was okay at first. Then he started getting physical. You know, just a little too rough when he grabbed my arm. Maybe he’d try to hold me in my seat when I wanted to get up. I caught him checking the numbers on my phone a few nights ago, and he made some joke about watching what I was doing. Keeping an eye on me. It just… I don’t know. He was making me nervous. Sending up red flags. I knew something wasn’t right. So I told him I wanted to take it easy, back off a little bit, see other people. He backhanded me. That’s when my lip got cut. Then he looked at me and very deliberately hit me again. I think he wanted to mark me, you know? Put his mark on my face.”
    “Is he a student here?”
    Kim shook his head. “No, not a student. Uncle John, you’ve got to promise me you won’t go off.”
    “Why would I go off?”
    “He’s one of my instructors.”
     
     
    J OHN extracted the necessary information, and then he kissed his baby on the forehead and made grilled cheese and chicken noodle soup for supper. They played Crazy Eights until Kim got quiet again, and he took his phone and went off to the garage to call Gabriel. John didn’t think Kim had seen Gabriel flinch in the restaurant. He’d covered it quickly enough, but John had seen it, seen the way Gabriel’s jaw tightened, like he was getting ready for a blow.
    But do you