the bitch a lesson, not kill her or, more importantly, someone else.”
She nods. “I didn’t think so, but just wanted to double-check.”
We both giggle then, after we finish with the rocks, I reach in and pull out a pair of rubber gloves and a brown paper bag. “You might want to hold your breath for this,” I warn her as I put the gloves on.
“Why, what’s in it?”
“Dog shit,” I reply, barely containing my laugh.
“What? How on earth did you get dog poop? You don’t even own a dog.”
“A neighbor a few houses down from me has one. It was a nasty task, but it will be worth it.” Holding my breath I open the bag, then put my hand on the bottom of it and turn it inside out, using it as a tool to smear the shit all over the side of her car.
“Oh god, that smells so bad.” Julia pinches her nose with a chuckle and backs up.
I finish quickly since I’m about to pass out from lack of oxygen, then throw the paper bag along with the nasty gloves back into the plastic bag and tie it in a knot. Glancing around, I quickly run and throw it in their garbage can, making sure to shuffle the trash around so it’s buried. I don’t breathe again until I have my sanitizer out and am dousing my hands in it.
“Okay, is that it? Can we go now?” Julia asks hopefully.
“No, one last thing.” Reaching into my purse I pull out two black markers and hand one to her. She looks at it curiously then follows me as I walk to the back of her car. Across the rear of the trunk I write: penis swallower , knowing everyone who drives behind her will see it.
“Oh my god.” Julia covers her mouth in horror but can’t contain her snicker.
“What? It’s not permanent, it will wash off, just hopefully not before others see it.” I nod at her hand. “Write something for what she said about Jax. Believe me, it will make you feel better.”
With a grin plastered on her face she writes: I’m as fake as my boobs .
I burst out laughing. “Good one.”
“Thanks, and you’re right, I do feel better.”
We begin to laugh uncontrollably, and are so caught up in our amusement that we don’t hear anyone come up behind us until it’s too late. “What the fuck do you guys think you’re doing?”
A startled scream rips from us both as we flip around and land painfully on our butts. As soon as I get my wits about me, I quickly slap a hand over Julia’s mouth since she’s still screaming, and look up at a very pissed off Cooper. Oh shit! I stare at him, wondering how I should start.
He shifts his focus to the writing behind us then leans to the side and looks at the dog shit smeared on her car. “You have got to be fucking kidding me.” He expels a laugh that doesn’t sound funny at all and shakes his head.
“Coop, I can explain.”
“Not here!” he snaps and hauls us both up by our arms. “Get into my fucking car before anyone else sees you guys.”
He starts to drag us toward his squad car, that’s parked across the street, but I dig my heels in. “Wait.” I rip out of his grasp then run back a couple of steps to pick up my pens. “Uh, don’t want to leave any evidence behind.” I hold up the markers briefly before putting them in my purse.
Julia tries to bite back her chuckle but fails miserably. Unfortunately, Cooper doesn’t find anything funny about it. I swear if steam could blow out of his ears right now it would. I get my ass in gear and link arms with Julia as we make our way to his car. I take notice that his lights are off, probably to make sure we wouldn’t know he was coming. The tricky bastard.
“You don’t think he’s going to arrest us, do you?” Julia whispers, seeming terrified at the thought. I shake my head. He wouldn’t do that…I don’t think.
He opens the back door for us and Julia crawls in first. I think about asking if I can sit up front with him, but with one look at his expression I decide against it and follow in behind her. We both jump when he slams the