The Ear of the Heart: An Actress' Journey From Hollywood to Holy Vows Read Online Free PDF Page A

hospitalized and finally bowed to the fact that she was married to an unstable, sadistic man. She made the decision to separate for good, and fearful that Bert might come to the house when she wasn’t there and take Dolores, Harriet sent her to Chicago to stay with Grandma and Grandpa Kude until the situation was finalized.
    The only problem was I had to go alone. Granny would be at the Chicago station to meet me, but for the three-day journey I was on my own. Well, not really. Mommy made arrangements with one of the porters, a big black bear of a man, to take charge of me. You could do things like that then. She bought two seats so I could have room to sleep and sewed a label on my coat with my particulars—identification, destination and into whose hands I was to be delivered. I didn’t like having that sign on me, but I wasn’t in the least frightened. It was another adventure. Even so, I was sad. I knew that Mommy and Daddy weren’t going to live together anymore .
    Dolores’ visit to Chicago was cut short with the announcement that Harriett had once again reconciled with Bert and wanted her child back home, a request that Esther granted very reluctantly.
    The reconciliation ended almost as soon as it began. There wasn’t going to be another one. Harriett filed for divorce again. “This time it will stick”, she vowed in a newspaper interview on the divorce, borrowing a phrase usually identified in Hollywood with reconciliation. With no meddling judge to intercede, this time the divorce was granted. It marked the end of the marriage, but it would not be the end of the relationship. Harriett may not have had success as a wife, but she could be a friend for life.
    Harriett and Dolores moved to an apartment on Reeves Drive in Beverly Hills. The one bedroom and kitchenette was soon shared with Aunt Betty, who had relocated to the West Coast to follow her boyfriend, Freddy Cocozza, who was now pursuing a singing career.
    Betty was my love when she lived with us. She had beautiful black eyes and shoulder-length hair that bounced when she walked. She was one of the best playmates I ever had. She tried to be stern, but whenever I didn’t obey she would scoop me up and throw me, fully clothed, into the bathtub, turn the water on and shriek with laughter .
    But somehow, no matter what Mommy and Aunt Betty did, I felt lost, uncertain. Divorce, remarriage and redivorce left me angry—not unwanted, but lonely. I remember Mommy bought a picture and hung it over my bed. It was a picture of a small boy carrying a large round globe. She told me it was Jesus and the globe he was carrying was the world. I thought to myself, “That’s not the world; that kid just has a fancy basketball.” Still, I would stare at the picture, maybe out of a real desire to believe, and little by little, I wasn’t so alone. If that kid could carry such a burden, maybe I could too .
    Bert would come back on numerous occasions—always uninvited and usually drunk—presumably to see Dolores. Harriett would complain that he came back just to quarrel with her. But she would always let him in. If he had been drinking, she would put Dolores in the bedroom and close the door.
    When he would come back he was awful to Mommy. She never said anything bad about him to me, but I could see she was afraid of him .
    Aunt Betty, who always sided with my mother whenever Daddy was around, said she thought I was a remarkably well-adjusted little girl in spite of the fact that my family life had not been a good environment. It was the first time I had heard that word , in-vire-ment. I didn’t know what it meant. Must be something awful, I thought .
    On our first Christmas Eve alone, Daddy came by dressed in a Santa suit and very drunk. Mommy wouldn’t let him in, so he stood banging on the door, yelling and singing Christmas songs. He was making such a fool of himself in front of the neighbors that she was more embarrassed than frightened. She grabbed me, put me in