to sleep a bit later than dawn.â
âWell, this day as I leant out my window to greet the sunrise, Sidney came into the main courtyard as he does every day and read out the news,â said Merlin, âand a sorry sight it was indeed.â
âWere his proclamations distressing?â
âThey were, sire.â
âAnd can you remember them, good Merlin?â
âI can indeed, sire. Every word.â
âAnd what was the news of the day?â
âWell, sire, Sidney, the Morning Herald, had no scroll to read from. He did not need one. He stood there facing the main door, raised his voice with no enthusiasm and said â Hear ye, hear ye. Today is Thursday â.â
âWell, that was a good start. After all it is Thursday,â said the King. âWhat said he then?â
âNothing, my lord. He pulled his hood over his head and departed.â
âOh.â
âIndeed, my lord,â said Merlin. âIt was no better when his brother, the Late Edition Herald, arrived after lunch. He only said one Hear Ye and then added â what my brother said earlier â and left.â
âBut is it not good, my wise Merlin, that all my subjects are happy and can enjoy every day without having to look over their shoulders for dragons or invading armies or kidnappers?â Arthur asked.
âWell, yes, it would seem that it should be so,â said the old wizard. âAnd on top of everything else, we are having the finest weather anyone can remember. It only rains at night when we are asleep. It is neither too cold nor too hot and the crops grow taller and fatter than ever before.â
âSo are not my subjects happier than they have ever been?â
âIt would seem so,â said Merlin. âYet I have a terrible feeling of foreboding and of mighty disaster, but everyone will be so relaxed they will be taken completely off guard.â
Morgan le Fey had been looking out the window, wondering where her beloved Sir Lancelot had gone, and only half listening to what was going on.
I sent him down to the village to get me a bag of lollies three hours ago, she thought. He should have returned long since.
âCould it not simply be that you are just a miserable old man who doesnât like the idea of everyone being happy?â she said, turning to Merlin.
âWell yes, it could,â said Merlin. âI cannot deny that I am only truly happy when I am miserable and thereâs lots of trouble and turmoil to sort out.â
âMaybe you just need to learn to relax,â said King Arthur, but he knew the old wizard was incapable of it.
âOh no, sire, I must forever be on guard to protect Avalon,â Merlin said. âI promised this to your father and his father before him and their fathersback, over all the hundreds of generations who have ruled this great land.â
âWell, how about a holiday?â Arthur suggested. âJust take a bit of time off.â
âI did that this morning, sire, between eight oâclock and two minutes past eight. I did not enjoy it. It made me restless and bored.â
âSo what is your suggestion, good wizard?â said Arthur.
âIndeed, old man, what are you planning?â said Morgan Le Fey. âFor as sure as night turns into day Iâll bet you have something afoot.â
âI fear, my lady, that I will not need to do anything to break this tranquillity,â said Merlin. âMy spies tell me things are indeed, as you say, afoot, but they are not on my feet.â
He was about to tell them that Arthurâs evil cousin, Mordred, had murdered his own parents and was now back on the mainland with two accomplices and that one of them was the legendary Culvert, Prince of Clapshamshire, who had been thrown off his own ship by the deposed false King Arthur, the runaway Princess Floridian and a large lout whoresembled a turnip, and that these three runaways had arrived at the