The Dog Said Bow-Wow Read Online Free PDF

created monstrosities to perform the duties that were once done by machines. But with this, there would be no necessity to do so. We have allowed ourselves to be ruled by an icosahexadexal-brained freak. Now we have no need for Gloriana the Gross, Gloriana the Fat and Grotesque, Gloriana the Maggot Queen.”
    “Madame!”
    “It is time, I believe, that England had a new queen. A human queen.”
    “Think of my honor!”
    Lady Pamela paused in the doorway. “You are a very pretty fellow indeed. But with
this
, I can have the monarchy and keep such a harem as will reduce your memory to that of a passing and trivial fancy.”
    With a rustle of skirts, she spun away.
    “Then I am undone!” Surplus cried, and fainted onto the bed.
    Quietly, Darger closed the door. Surplus raised himself from the pillows, began removing the patches from his body, and said, “Now what?”
    “Now we get some sleep,” Darger said. “Tomorrow will be a busy day.”
    The master of apes came for them after breakfast, and marched them to their usual destination. By now Darger was beginning to lose track of exactly how many times he had been in the Office of Protocol. They entered to find Lord Coherence-Hamilton in a towering rage, and his sister, calm and knowing, standing in a corner with her arms crossed, watching. Looking at them both now, Darger wondered how he could ever have imagined that the brother outranked his sister.
    The modem lay opened on the dwarf-savant’s desk. The little fellow leaned over the device, studying it minutely.
    Nobody said anything until the master of apes and his baboons had left. Then Lord Coherence-Hamilton roared, “Your modem refuses to work for us!”
    “As I told you, sir,” Surplus said coolly, “it is inoperative.”
    “That’s a bold-arsed fraud and a goat-buggering lie!” In his wrath, the Lord’s chair rose up on its spindly legs so high that his head almost bumped against the ceiling. “I know of your activities — “ he nodded toward his sister — “and demand that you show us how this whoreson device works!”
    “Never!” Surplus cried stoutly. “I have my honor, sir.”
    “Your honor, too scrupulously insisted upon, may well lead to your death, sir.”
    Surplus threw back his head. “Then I die for Vermont!”
    At this moment of impasse, Lady Hamilton stepped forward between the two antagonists to restore peace. “I know what might change your mind.” With a knowing smile, she raised a hand to her throat and denuded herself of her diamonds. “I saw how you rubbed them against your face the other night. How you licked and fondled them. How ecstatically you took them into your mouth.”
    She closed his paws about them. “They are yours, sweet ’Sieur Precieux, for a word.”
    “You would give them up?” Surplus said, as if amazed at the very idea. In fact, the necklace had been his and Darger’s target from the moment they’d seen it. The only barrier that now stood between them and the merchants of Amsterdam was the problem of freeing themselves from the Labyrinth before their marks finally realized that the modem was indeed a cheat. And to this end they had the invaluable tool of a thinking man whom all believed to be an autistic, and a plan that would give them almost twenty hours in which to escape.
    “Only think, dear Surplus.” Lady Pamela stroked his head and then scratched him behind one ear, while he stared down at the precious stones. “Imagine the life of wealth and ease you could lead, the women, the power. It all lies in your hands. All you need do is close them.”
    Surplus took a deep breath. “Very well,” he said. “The secret lies in the condenser, which takes a full day to recharge. Wait but —”
    “Here’s the problem,” the savant said unexpectedly. He poked at the interior of the modem. “There was a wire loose.”
    He jacked the device into the wall.
    “Oh, dear God,” Darger said.
    A savage look of raw delight filled the dwarf savant’s