The Devil and Danielle Webster Read Online Free PDF

woman
satisfaction?”
    “You’ve got it all wrong!” and “That’s not what happened at
all!” Doug and I spoke simultaneously.  The nondescript man lifted his
eyebrows and waited for further explanation.
    “I never so much as took my clothes off,” I said in
desperation.
    “ Ewww , yuck,” Doug said
involuntarily.  “I’m sorry, Danielle, but just look at you.  You’re
wearing your dinner.  And when’s the last time you washed those shorts?”
    “The feeling is mutual, that’s for sure.  Keep your
smelly boxers on, Doug.  I ask on behalf of all your ex-girlfriends.”
    He eyed me with loathing.  “A night
of passion, geez, Danielle.   Can’t you go read a crappy romance
novel instead of getting me involved?”
    “Go smoke some salmon.  Better yet, do some flossing, I see dinner from our last date still stuck in
your front teeth.”
    The nondescript man looked rather gleeful.  “I’ve
discharged my part of the bargain.  You two have certainly had your night
of passion.”
    “That’s what you think!” I said with contempt.  “There
was no passion, and that’s God’s honest truth.”
    “Please, watch your language,” the Devil said with
dignity.  He allowed himself a grin.  “You never specified, Ms.
Webster, what form of passion you wanted.  I can see passionate argument
going on between you two even now.  What a night of passion you have
had!  I congratulate you both!”
    “That’s equivocation,” I said indignantly. 
    “Objection!” Doug said.
    Mr. Lucifer and I both looked at him. 
    “Still watching those courtroom dramas, Doug?” I asked him,
but not rancorously.  It’s interesting how easy it is to drop a stupid
feud when the real enemy shows up. 
    I looked again at the nondescript man.  “You know full
well I had an entirely different kind of passion in mind.  If I wanted to
argue with Doug, I could have driven back to Chicago at any time over the past
two decades.  You haven’t given me anything I couldn’t have gotten for
myself, free of charge.”
    “Objection sustained!” said Doug, but closed his mouth when
I looked at him.
    The nondescript man looked at the ceiling for a moment as if
weighing options.  I could tell he was plotting further mischief.  “I
don’t trust you,” I told him.
    He looked hurt.  “I’m trying to see what I can do to
make you a satisfied customer.  All sales are final, but I have a
reputation to preserve.”
    “You do?” Doug asked skeptically.
    “Of course.   I do guarantee
satisfaction.  I can offer you a replacement night.  Both of you need
to sign here.”
    “Uh-uh,” Doug was shaking his head.  “I’m a married man
and a Catholic.  Not interested.”
    “You never were,” I couldn’t resist saying resentfully.
    “This won’t impact your present,” the Devil said
smoothly.  “This will merely cause a moment-by-moment replay of a night of
passion in your head only.  It will be like a dream, only with more
sensory involvement.”
    “Well…” Doug seemed to be thinking it through.  “I sign
this and then I can go home?”
    Mr. Lucifer was holding out a fountain pen and another
contract.  “Then you can go home,” he agreed. 
    “It’ll still be 4 AM?”
    “No time has elapsed.”
    “I can still get two more hours of sleep, then.”  Doug
took the pen and signed.
    “I don’t know…” I said, as the Devil turned to me, offering me
the same pen and paper.  “Satisfaction guaranteed,” he reminded me. 
So I signed.
    The nondescript man started to look a whole lot less
nondescript and a whole lot more evil.  “Two souls for the price of one,”
he gloated.
    Doug and I looked at each other, appalled.
    “What?” Doug said.  “ Where’s my
glasses ?  What did I just sign?  I need a lawyer!”
    With urbanity, Mr. Lucifer read, “A night of passion with
Douglas Robert Morris for Danielle Joy Webster, to be delivered by Prince of
Darkness Enterprises, in exchange for the souls