The Destroyer Goddess Read Online Free PDF Page A

"Is this the one..."
    "I don't know," she admitted, increasingly distressed. "I don't know! I don't think so, but—"
    He pounced, "Unless you're sure , why—"
    "Because this child has to be born, whether or not it's the one I've been looking for. This is the child the gods want me to have, that Dar wants me to have. A child born of fire and water, of a Guardian and a waterlord, of—"
    "Of the woman I love and some insane murderer who—"
    "Please," she begged, crying harder now. "Please don't make this even harder. Fires of Dar, do you think I want to marry him?"
    Tansen hated Dar. By all the gods above and below, he hated Her. She had let the Valdani slaughter his family, let Kiloran kill Josarian, let the sea make a shunned orphan of Zarien, and now She was doing this to Mirabar. As he watched the woman he loved weep, Tansen felt like all his blood was draining out of him.
    Now he remembered what else Mirabar had previously told him. "A child of sorrow," he muttered. That much would be true.
    "We need Baran." Mirabar started wiping tears away. "Sileria needs him. If he won't help us..."
    Tansen looked for some place to sit down, suddenly bereft of all strength. He damned himself for having urged Mirabar to do whatever she had to. He should have known that Baran, of all people, would demand what they had never foreseen.
    "We'll find another way," he told her, already hearing how weak and hollow the promise sounded. 
    "We don't have time. And even if we did..."
    "You and your visions," he said bitterly, unable to stop himself from lashing out at her.
    Mirabar didn't fight back, which made him feel even worse. 
    After a long silence, during which Mirabar tried to compose herself, Tansen finally said, "You're really going to do this, aren't you?"
    "Yes."
    It felt like being stabbed, but only after already having received a mortal wound. The pain was almost a relief from the earlier pain. The loss of hope somehow eased his urgent desperation, the agonizing need to find a solution, to change her mind, to stop her.
    He remained silent, all out of ideas, all out of things to say. After what seemed like a long time, she said, "They're waiting for me."
    He nodded, but didn't move otherwise.
    "Are you... coming?"
    "I can't." Tansen shook his head. "I can't watch this."
    "I wish..." Mirabar didn't say any more.
    He listened to her footsteps as she left the garden.
    After a while, it occurred to him that he didn't want to see anyone, least of all the bride and groom, so he should leave before the ceremony was over and people started rambling around the Sanctuary's grounds. 
    Moving slowly, his mind blank while his heart bled, he set his foot on the path leading back the way he had come. So full of hope then, so empty of it now. So full of worry then... and, no, not free of it now.
    If she's wrong, if I'm wrong... If Baran hurts her... If he kills her...
    He tried to stop thinking, since it was futile right now. This wound wouldn't kill him, but precious few had ever hurt so much, and he couldn't think while this pain raged hot and fresh inside of him. Couldn't even consider the hundred other urgent things that would demand his attention the moment he reached the camp at the sacred caves of Dalishar.
    "Tansen!"
    He looked up, surprised to see Zarien approaching him. He'd been so absorbed in his sorrow that he hadn't even heard the boy's boots grinding into the rocky soil just ahead of him.
    Zarien said, "You didn't need to come look for me. I—"
    "We're leaving," Tansen said.
    "Already?"
    "Yes."
    Zarien frowned, studying him. His eyes widened slowly. "Is she dead?"
    "No."
    "Then what's wrong?" Zarien asked, falling into step beside him.
    At least he had a son now. At least there was that. 
    "Tansen?" Zarien prodded, concerned, watching him closely.
    Tansen stopped, looked at him, and said, "You know, you could..."
    "What?" 
    "You could call me father." Tansen shrugged and added as casually as possible, "If you wanted