The Dastard Read Online Free PDF

recently. Every trifling wee little inconsequential thing had been magnified beyond all reason. It was said that this was any mother's talent, but that didn't make it easier to endure.
    For example, there was the incident of the Pay Phone. Xanth had gotten connected in the past year or so to a magical network called the Mundane Mega Mesh, which folk like Com Pewter and Com Passion tied into. But because it related to Mundania, which it seemed was not quite as stodgy a region as reputed, there had to be a Phone. So a Pay Phone had appeared in Castle Roogna. A person could talk into it all she wanted, but somebody had to Pay. Somebody else took care of that; it wasn't their concern. They had gotten hold of the Phone and discovered how to talk for hours to several people in Mundania, including something called Phone Sects. It had been mysterious but fun. But Mother had magnified it ludicrously, and forbidden them to touch the Phone again.
    Then there was the See Saw in the playground. It had eyes to see what it sawed, and they used it to saw through several things, like the door to their bedroom. What was the problem with that? They had discovered that See Saws even had conventions, and had used their Saw to travel from See to shining See. But Mother had claimed they were lost for those three days, and had half a conniption. She had not been reasonable at all.
    And the pair-it. This was a pretty green bird that doubled objects it touched. So it made pairs of their toys, beds, potties, and dresses. And pairs of the pairs, unendingly. Soon their room was filled with pairs of things. In fact, they overflowed into the hall. That was when the adults got involved, and there was another awful fuss about nothing much.
    So here they were, shut in with absolutely nothing to do except practice their talents. This was to sing and play things real. So far they had used it mostly for illusions, such as fancy castles, complete with secret chambers and moats filled with tasty tsoda pop from the lake, and of course Soufflé Moat Monster. They had even managed to make the castles solid, so that they were no longer illusions, but had to keep them small, like dollhouses, so they would fit in the room. But there was a limit to the interest of conjured little castles, and anyway, Mother didn't like the moat water splashing across the floor and dripping on the heads of visitors in the rooms below. Yet another molehill made into a mountain.
    “Maybe we can have a good pillow fight,” Melody suggested. She wore her customary green dress, to go with her green/blonde hair. She was most like her mother Ivy, including her blue eyes. “And bash the pillows to splintereens.”
    “Maybe we can conjure pillows with stink horns in them,” Harmony said. Her dress was brown, to match her hair and eyes. She was most like her father, Grey Murphy. “And stink up the whole castle.”
    “No, we got in trouble the last time we did that,” Rhythm said. Her dress was red, matching her hair but not her green eyes. She was most like her big cousin Dawn. “Mother raised almost as much of a stink as we did.”
    The three burst into titillations of mirth. That had indeed been fun, despite Mother's overreaction. After all, it had required only three days and four fumigation spells to deodorize the castle.
    So that option too was gone. The three sat on a bed and settled into half a funk. There was nothing whatsoever to do.
    There was a swirl of smoke in the center of the room. In a moment it formed an eye near the top. “You three look door,” the eye observed.
    “Look how?” Melody asked.
    “Sad, dejected, sullen, moody, gloomy, all entrances closed--”
    “Dour?” Harmony asked.
    “Whatever,” the eye agreed, squinting irritably.
    “It's the demoness with the speech impediment,” Rhythm said.
    “Oh, hi, Metria,” Melody said.
    “Yes, we are dourer than dour,” Harmony added.
    “Because we have nothing to do,” Rhythm concluded.
    The smoke formed into a