The Darwin Awards Countdown to Extinction Read Online Free PDF Page A

because his blood pressure had dropped to an undesirable level and he had passed out at the kitchen table. Mere minutes before, he had been planning a drive to the doughnut shop. Thank god he didn’t make it to the car before his blood pressure dropped!
    He may not yet have used up nine lives, but my father, the PhD, appears to have a running start on Darwin infamy.
     
    Reference: Anonymous daughter

    Reader Comments
     
    “Working with PhDs, I’m completely not surprised by this . . .” “I have always said, the more degrees, the dumber.”
    WENDY’S WORDS OF WISDOM
    Most of the chairs in my house are on wheels; I often stood on them to reach high places. One day I read the Darwin Award about a fellow who stood on a rolling chair to fill his bird feeder . . . and rolled right off the twenty-fourth floor balcony. I no longer stand on those chairs in front of windows!
    Learn from the mistakes of others.
    You won’t live long enough to make them all yourself.

At-Risk Survivor: Mr. Tinker
    Unconfirmed Personal Account
    Featuring a do-it-yourself father
     
     
    If you ever considered your male parent a doofus, read on.
    You might feel better.
     
    My father-in-law tinkers and most often fixes things. I have seen him take apart toasters, motors, electronics, and power washers. He often has several projects on the go. One day he came home with a neighbor’s broken microwave and disappeared into his workshop to suss out the problem.
    He still tinkers today, but we keep a closer eye on him.
    A while later I heard weird noises coming from the workshop, and peeked in. The microwave was now working fine but its front door was missing. The machine was running, and he had his head tucked inside the oven!
    I ran in and pulled the plug.
    He did not take himself out of the gene pool (not then) but the microwaves may have increased the odds of cancer: A few years later he developed a brain tumor. It was successfully removed and he still tinkers today, but we keep a closer eye on him.
     
    See, there are worse parents . . .
     
    Reference: Anonymous son-in-law

At-Risk Survivor: Popsicle
    Unconfirmed Personal Account
    Featuring a father, water, alcohol, and a Double Darwin attempt!
     
     
    In the mid-eighties my father sailed on the research ship Regina Maris to study whales in Greenland. One night he noticed there were a lot of icebergs floating by the boat. Icebergs!
    After drinking several beers too many with a friend, he and the friend decided to do something stupid. A quick hop onto an iceberg proved that they could stand on it. So my dad decided to hop from iceberg to iceberg with his friend until they reached the nearest village two miles away. Hop after hop, they made their way across the ice floe. As the lights of the village and the shoreline grew nearer, they grew colder and began to pick up the pace. Alas, in their hurry, they accidentally hopped together onto one small iceberg. It broke under their combined weight, plunging them into the icy salt water where they quickly sobered up.
    Dad decided to hop from iceberg to iceberg.
    After thrashing about in the ch-ch-chilly water for several interminable minutes, they managed to climb out onto another iceberg, and carefully hopped the rest of the way to shore. The men limped into the village, where they were admitted to the hospital. Treated for hypothermia and a touch of frostbite and released little worse for the wear, to this day my dad never goes into the ocean
     
    Reference: Anonymous son

At-Risk Survivor: Blast from the Past
    Unconfirmed Personal Account
    Featuring a father, an uncle, vehicles, and dynamite!
     
     
    MID-1950 s , about their youth and shared a rather Darwinian story. In their twenties, they succeeded in assembling one great car out of three junkers. After they accomplished this, they had enough parts leftover to make a second working car—but only barely. This car was missing most of its floorboards, so they could see the ground flash past while