The Crimes and Punishments of Miss Payne Read Online Free PDF Page A

that. But tell me, Mr. Kiffing. Was your absence due to amnesia or should I read something more sinister into it?”
    Kiffo mumbled something.
    “I'm sorry, Mr. Kiffing. I didn't quite catch that.”
    “The test was too hard.”
    “The test was too hard. Was it? Was it indeed? And what makes you say that, Mr. Kiffing? Is that conclusion the result of years of scholarly research, the product of a degree in teaching or just the complaint of a lazy, revolting adolescent? What's your considered opinion, Mr. Kiffing?”
    “You're being unfair, Miss Payne!”
    God, where did that voice come from? I looked around the class before I realized that it was me. What had I done?
    Miss Payne swiveled around and fixed me with her eyes. For a moment, nothing happened. Then, slowly and deliberately, she moved between the desks and stood before me.
    “You have an opinion, Miss Harrison? Pray, share it with us.”
    I swallowed hard. The easiest thing to do, I knew it even then, would have been to bow my head and mumble, “Nothing, Miss.” But I couldn't. Always been my problem, I guess. A mouth that sometimes works independently of my brain. My voice sounded unnaturally calm.
    “I think you are overestimating Jaryd Kiffing's linguistic capacity, Miss. You fail to appreciate the effect of a dysfunctional family unit operating within his socioeconomic background upon an intellect that has never been given theopportunity to flourish. Those thirty words, Miss. Kiffo wouldn't have heard twenty-eight of them in his entire life. The Kiffing household does not treasure academic success, nor does it encourage excellence in anything other than excessive drinking and flatulence. Kiffo has, to my certain knowledge, never read a book in his life. I doubt, even now, if he could color one in satisfactorily. Your test, Miss, was a guarantee of failure for Kiffo and those like him. It might as well have been in Swahili or Serbo-Croatian. It was, by any academic and intellectual standard, grossly unfair.”
    Phew! Where did that come from? Calma, girl, you are a never-ending source of amazement and wonder, especially to me. I sat back, pretty proud of myself but also conscious that I had probably just dropped myself deep in the brown and smelly stuff. Miss Payne's eyes twitched. For a moment, I thought she was going to throttle me. A little vein stood out on her temple. I could see the blood pumping through it. With a massive sigh, as though the effort of controlling herself was almost more than she could bear, Miss Payne straightened up. Her piggy eyes moved in a broad sweep and took in my glasses (I was wearing the bright green plastic ones), then traveled down my whole form. I felt like a fly that was about to be swatted.
    “Well, Miss Harrison, that was quite a speech. Yes indeed. I'm not sure if I have ever heard the like in my entire teaching career. However…” She suddenly yelled into my face with such force that it felt like a physical blow. It was like being caught up in a mini cyclone. Even Vanessa woke up. “HOWEVER, you would be well advised to keep your smart remarksto yourself in the future. When I want your opinion, then I will ask for it. Is that understood?”
    “But you did ask for it! You said, ‘Pray share it with us.’”
    “SHUT UP!!”
    Miss Payne thumped about the room like a raging, maddened bull.
    “This is exactly the kind of behavior I was talking about yesterday! I will not have you answering me back. I will not be disobeyed. Kiffing and Harrison. You will come here tomorrow for an after-school detention. You, Kiffing, for not turning up yesterday, and you, Harrison, for insubordination. Now get out your English grammar books and turn to page thirty-three. You will answer the section on apostrophes. You will work, of course, in complete silence.”
    Kiffo caught up with me at recess. I was a bit concerned at first. I thought he probably wanted to beat me up because of the comments I'd made about his home life. You