The Color of Joy Read Online Free PDF Page B

local college, graduated with a business degree and wound up working in the human resources department of a retail office supply chain. It was a decent job for a kid fresh out of college.
    That’s where I met my husband Jake—on the very day he quit. He worked in the printing division but was leaving to join the army.
    The physical attraction I felt for him was immediate. He was tall and muscular, with dark hair and giant, deep-set blue eyes. And extremely polite. When he sat down in front of my desk to collect his Record of Employment, I lost my breath. I was only twenty-four at the time and he was twenty-seven, but when he answered my questions, he addressed me respectfully with ‘Yes, ma’am.’ ‘No, ma’am.’
    No one had ever spoken to me like that before. There was a quiet charm about him that didn’t come across as flirty at all. This was a good thing because, as a rule, I didn’t go for the flirty types. I found that kind of behavior superficial and untrustworthy.
    But not Jake. He was courteous, reserved, and a little on the shy side. Except when it came time for him to walk out of my cubicle. That’s when he stopped, turned around and said, “Would you like to come to my going away party tonight? The staff is taking me out for drinks at the Covered Bridge. You could bring a friend if you want.”
    I almost swallowed my gum because the corporate office staff rarely socialized with the retail employees—especially those of us in HR.
    Trying not to fall off my chair onto the floor, I managed to say: “That sounds like fun. I’d love to come.”
    The rest, as they say, is history.
    When you know, you know .
    Things moved quickly after that. We tied the knot a few months after Jake finished boot camp.
    The first four years of our marriage were idyllic and lovely. I loved my husband with all my heart and everything was perfect—but then something unexpected happened, and my world began to change.

Chapter Twelve

    July 30

    “I’m surprised,” I said as I rose from the supper table to carry my empty plate to the counter. “I actually thought you might be happy about this.”
    Jake set down his fork and sat back. “Why would you think that? You know how I feel, and the timing couldn’t be worse.”
    “Is there ever a good time to have a baby?” I couldn’t even look at my husband. All I could do was stand over the sink and stare down at the drain. “Tell me one person who actually felt ready to be a parent. All parents are scared. Especially the first time.”
    With a flash of regret, I immediately recognized my blunder because I knew this wasn’t the first time—not for him , anyway.
    Jake’s chair scraped across the floor as he stood. “Did you really just say that?”
    I sighed heavily and turned to face him. “I’m sorry, but I don’t see the point in having this conversation— again —when the horse has already left the barn.”
    There could be no more deliberating, no more discussions about why Jake didn’t want a child and how I thought he needed to let go of the past. Whether he liked it or not, I was pregnant and due to deliver in seven and a half months. Besides, I was tired of arguing about it. I’d been pleading my case for two years, working tirelessly to convince him that it would be different this time—that the future could be amazing if he would give it a chance.
    Jake regarded me with frustration in the early evening light beaming in through the kitchen windows. “I don’t understand how this could have happened,” he said. “I thought you were on the pill.”
    “I am—I was— and I don’t know how it happened either.”
    He was quiet for a long moment, and I was relieved he didn’t accuse me of getting pregnant on purpose.
    “You knew how I felt about this,” he said. “You knew it when we got married and you accepted it, for better or worse.”
    “Yes,” I replied, “but I didn’t think you’d feel that way forever.” I sounded childish, even to my