leather of my steering wheel. Loneliness doesn't exist on any single plane of consciousness. It's generally a low throb, barely audible, like the hum of a Mercedes engine in park, but every so often the demands of the highway call for a burst of acceleration, and the hum becomes a thunderous, elemental roar, and once again you're reminded of what this baby's carrying under the hood.
five
1986
Sammy Haber moved into Bush Falls the summer before our senior year, a baby-faced skinny kid, with sandy blond hair gelled to an audacious height, tortoiseshell glasses, and an unfortunate affinity for pleated slacks and penny loafers. He and his mother had moved up from Manhattan, where, it was whispered, they'd been forced to leave in the wake of some kind of scandal. The lack of concrete details didn't hinder the powerful gossip engine of the Falls, was actually preferable, since it left the field wide open for sordid speculation.
Lucy Haber, Sammy's mother, did nothing to dampen the gossip. She was wildly beautiful, with thick auburn hair worn long and free, wide, uncomplicated eyes, and stark white skin that offered a perfect contrast to both her hair and her impossibly full lips, which came together in a thoughtless pout. In her platform sandals, long, flowing skirts, and clinging tops with plunging necklines, she exuded a casual, bohemian sexuality as she ambled distractedly past the stores on Stratfield Road, humming to herself as she went. Connecticut mothers, for the most part, weren't big on cleavage when they grocery shopped. The Bush Falls aesthetic tended more toward Banana Republic blouses tucked neatly into Ann Taylor slacks. Cleavage, like the good china, was reserved for special occasions, and even then was displayed sparingly. But Lucy Haber seemed oblivious to the catty looks she received from the women she passed, or the appreciative double takes she garnered from the men. Everyone agreed that she seemed much too young to have a son Sammy's age, and it was undoubtedly her abundant sexuality that was responsible for that, as well as the mysterious troubles back in New York. There apparently was no Mr. Haber, which was, of course, perfect.
That summer, as I did every summer, I went to work in my father's display factory on the outskirts of Bush Falls. My father was one of the few men in town who were not directly employed by P.J. Porter's, the immense discount department store chain whose national corporate headquarters was based in the Falls. With over seven hundred retail outlets nationwide selling everything from apparel, cosmetics, and jewelry to furniture and major appliances, Porter's was one of the largest employers in Connecticut. Bush Falls had originally been developed as a planned community for the employees of the retail giant, whose corporate campus was situated on seventy acres just a few miles north of the town proper and housed over a thousand offices. Just about every family in Bush Falls had at least one member working for Porter's. It was well-known that Porter's preferred to hire from within the community, and they ran a highly successful summer jobs program with Bush Falls High School.
My father had originally worked at Porter's as a purchasing agent before going into business on his own, manufacturing store displays, and Porter's subsequently became his largest account, thanks to his friends there, who ordered all of their promotional displays and packaging from him. While he was no less dependent on Porter's for his livelihood than he had been when he'd worked there, he was now his own boss, a distinction of which he was immensely proud, and pleased to point out at every opportunity.
So while my classmates went to work as summer interns at Porter's, I took my place alongside the stooped Peruvian immigrants who comprised my father's labor force, operating one of the hydraulic vacuum presses. My job consisted solely of continuously loading four-foot-square styrene sheets onto the press and
Dawne Prochilo, Dingbat Publishing, Kate Tate