The Book of Bloke Read Online Free PDF

sleep, they are also capable of going days on end without waking up; the Geek’s approach to sleep is a lot like the camel’s to water: drink up big when you can, then you won’t need any till the other side of the desert. Geek feeding habits are also intriguing – Geeks prefer to feed without looking at their food. The most common Geek dining ritual will involve a pizza or bag of chips and a sort of automatic food-to-mouth arm action while their eyes remain riveted to the monitor in front of them. Experiments have shown that, at these times, Geeks don’t even know what they are eating: the feeding mechanism, once activated, will continue functioning whether they are consuming chips, pizza, filet mignon, or even light bulbs. Further experiments seem to indicate that Geeks can even eat in their sleep, although such studies are still at a preliminary stage.
    Physiologically, Geeks can be extremely thin or morbidly obese; what’s peculiar is the relative lack of examples in between. It is believed these extremes of physique are caused by the Geek lifestyle, wherein the Geek will either gorge for hours on fatty foods, or go for days without any sustenance at all, and not particularly notice either way. What does tend to be true of all Geeks, no matter their physical specifications, is that they are ill-suited to athletic pursuits. In fact, in some more primitive societies, forcing Geeks to engage in sport is a popular pastime – crowds of thousands will gather to point and laugh at Geeks trying to kick a football – though recently the United Nations passed a resolution declaring the practice of Geek-sport to be a violation of international human rights law. Much work still has to be done to stamp out this abhorrent phenomenon, but greater resourcing of patrols to catch Geek-poachers would seem to be a necessary first step.
    In habitat, the Geek is mainly a creature of inner-city suburbs, although never the fashionable ones. Young Geeks can often be found in the outer suburbs, or even in the country, but in young adulthood usually migrate due to the pressures of peer mockery, a shortage of Wi-Fi hotspots, and the absence of decent comic shops. Closer to the city, Geeks feel more comfortable, although still not particularly happy, because inner-city Fauxkes and Tunesters scoop up all the women the same way the Bogans did back home.
    Evolutionarily, the Geek is one of the oldest species of Blokes; in fact, Geekdom began in antiquity with the famous Greek Geeks, with Pythagoras often considered the proto-Geek. Some etymologists have even suggested that the word ‘Geek’ derives from ‘Greek’, although the anthropological community has on the whole dismissed this theory as ‘not very funny’. In later years, Geeks were notable for utterly failing to prevent the barbarian invasion of Rome, and for being burnt as witches due to their ability to read and write and keep faeces out of their drinking water. A famous Renaissance Geek was Galileo, who pointed out that the earth revolved around the sun, and therefore cemented the Geek’s reputation for advanced intelligence and the annoying habit of always having to point out when other people are wrong. There was also Robespierre, an ambitious Geek who briefly brought Geeks to an unfamiliar position of power in France, but, in typical Geek style, didn’t know when to shut up.
    The local strain of Geek – the Geek Bloke – came to Australia on the First Fleet, where they were in charge of the compasses, and Geeks have featured notably in many important events in Australian history. The Rum Rebellion, for example, was sparked when well-known Power-Geek, Governor William Bligh, told the army that ‘you don’t need alcohol to have a good time.’ Federation itself was a Geek-driven development, dreamed up by prominent Geek statesman Henry Parkes late one night after a particularly exhausting game of Risk.
    In modern times, Geeks have played a leading role in Australian