The Big Bang! Theory - A fourth--and final--short, erotic encounter of the Judy Banger kind Read Online Free PDF Page A

men, in general, have complicated my
life to the point I'm seriously considering becoming a
nun."
    Pru had laughed until she
wet herself. "You. A nun. I'd like to see the size hat you'd need
to get your ass off the ground. No offense, Judy, but you still
have a few pounds to lose before you can fly."
    Judy had stared mouth agape
a full five seconds before deciding her friend was joking. But Judy
meant the threat--figuratively, at least. She'd taken a hard look
at her life and decided something big had to change. She wasn't
Catholic so joining a convent probably wasn't an option, but there
might be an operation she could have done to remove her sex
drive--preferably an Out-Patient, painless and quick procedure
since she'd need to do it before her health care benefits ran
out.
    Her other option was to
share her whacky sex life with the world. The success of cable
shows like Duck Dynasty made her consider pitching her story to
some X-rated cable station. She'd even bounced around a few titles:
Trailer Trashed, Hot and Heavy Does It or Bang This!
    Eventually, she'd axed the
idea. Who would want to watch a chubby fifty-four year old woman
screw the be'jesus out of any old Tom, Dick or Harry on the slim
hope the encounter might result in a 911 call? Nope, she had some
serious reconfiguring to do to make the last part of her life less
of a sitcom and more of something she could look back on with
pride.
    And that meant fighting her
crazy desires. No jumping the bones of a hot judge just because he
made her pussy hum with interest when her breast accidentally
brushed against his arm as he held the passenger side door for
her.
    "My other car's a 1964
Mustang convertible if that helps. It belonged to my wife. I had it
completely restored a few years ago, thinking Fletcher would like
it, but he said it didn't fit his image."
    She could see that. She
didn't know Fletcher Canby well--in part, because he played the
role of sober, earnest, cop-of-the-people so flawlessly. A spiffy
little convertible would have made his co-workers wonder what else
they didn't know about their comrade.
    "Nope. Sorry. A Lincoln
Towncar. That's what I was picturing."
    "Ah. Of course. Sorry to
disappoint. Fletcher's step-mom was a tree hugger. We went green
the first chance we got. I put in solar last year."
    Judy waited until he was
seated beside her to ask, "So, not that I know squat about carbon
footprints--I live in a twenty-year old mobile home, after all--but
aren't you fu...er, screwing the pooch, so to speak, by
living alone in a
giant house that probably has...oh, I don't know...a
pool?"
    He nodded. "And built-in
hot tub. Julie got some relief from her pain by swimming in the
early years after her accident."
    "Do you swim?" He didn't
stay that slim by sitting.
    "Once in a great while." He
started the car and pulled out of the parking spot. "I do host a
summer party for my staff and friends. Although now that you
mention it, I can't remember any of them swimming, either." At the
first intersection, he looked at her and said, "Are you saying I
should move?"
    She shrunk against the
noticeably un-luxurious seat cushion. "I wouldn't dream of giving
you advice. Since losing my job, I've had a dozen people tell me if
I can't make my mortgage payments, I should stay in my house until
foreclosure goes through. Like I'd do that." She felt dirty even
repeating the idea.
    "You're a woman of
principal. You don't see that a lot in my business."
    His business. Law. Judging
people. No, thank you. She'd been on the receiving end of bad
opinions all her life--starting with her mother. No way was she
getting involved with a man who judged people for a living. "Turn
left at the next intersection, then my place is the third on the
right."
    Her faded old Honda took up
most of the driveway so he parked behind it. Compared to some of
the homes in her park, Judy's place was slightly above
average--thanks to the lovely new deck Jed built and Buddy paid
for. She opened the door.