The Beginning and the End Read Online Free PDF Page A

in this world,” she said. “God will surely lead us by the hand. The only catastrophe for which we can never be comforted is his death. Oh, my dear father!”
    But her tears had no great effect upon the boys, for theirmother’s speech foreshadowed the graver things to come, upon which they were now concentrating. Their eyes were fixed on their mother. “We must never despair of God’s mercy,” she continued. “However, we must know exactly where we stand, or else we perish. We must also school ourselves to endure our lot with patience and dignity. God be with us.”
    She felt there was nothing more she could say to them as a group. Now she must speak to each of her children about the things which concerned them individually. She found it wiser to start with the less serious problems, to pave the way for the more difficult ones. Glancing at Hussein and Hassanein, she tried to conceal her concern. “I cannot afford to give you pocket money anymore,” she said calmly. “Fortunately, this is usually spent on trivial things…”
    Trivial things! Were membership in the football club, the movies, and novels trivial?
Hussein heard this verdict in mute dejection. Trying to picture what life would be like without his pocket money, his mind rambled off; yet he uttered not a word. As for Hassanein, he appeared to be struck with a thunderbolt. Almost unconsciously, he raised an immediate objection: “All our pocket money! Not a millieme?”
    Samira stared at him for a long time. “Not a single millieme,” she said firmly.
    His objection troubled her. Yet she welcomed it since it gave her an opportunity to reaffirm what she had already said, and to make Hassan, whom she feared would be more troublesome than his two brothers, hear her words. Hassanein opened his lips and muttered something indistinctly. “We’ll be the only pupils in school who get no pocket money,” he said in a low voice.
    “You imagine things,” his mother replied sharply. “The calamities of life are many, and plenty of other pupils lack money. If you search the pockets of all the pupils at school, you’ll find that most of them are penniless. Even supposing that you werethe only ones who were poor, there would be nothing to be ashamed of. Besides, I am not responsible for what happened.”
    Remembering that he was addressing his mother, Hassanein kept silent. He had always found his father more tolerant and understanding, for his father loved him as dearly as he loved his daughter, Nefisa. But his mother’s firmness never relaxed. By way of reply, she added, “I also warn you both not to skip your school lunch as you usually do.”
    The two brothers ate very little of their school lunch since they preferred to wait for dinner at home. The pupils who ate their fill of lunch at school were the subject of their mates’ ridicule.
    “Why shouldn’t we eat at home as usual?” Hassanein asked gently.
    “Who knows? Maybe, you won’t find the kind of food you like at home!” his mother replied sharply.
    There was a shadow of a smile on Hassan’s lips as he listened in deep silence to all that was said. He tried to hide it under a frown, but Samira had already noticed it. She was determined to face him with the truth if he still needed it after that long preamble. She asked him sadly, “What about you, Hassan?”
    He was her eldest, her firstborn and her first darling! Yet he was tangible evidence that motherly love may be influenced by factors which have nothing to do with instinct. Of course, this did not mean that she hated him; far from it. She merely dropped him from her accounts, and to her great distress, he no longer fulfilled her once rosy hopes. Now, he simply occupied an obscure corner of her heart, and whenever she recalled her love for him, it was tainted with deep sorrow and pitch-black memories. He had always been and still was the black sheep of the family. At first he was the victim of his father’s poverty and favoritism; he was