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expected Andrew knew it, happier for a few nights without him. She found his presence in her life both reassuring and smothering at the same time. It was difficult to get the balance right. Part of her exulted in his devotion and desire, part of her just wanted her own quiet, solitary life back. She’d heard friends talk of soul mates, how everything felt so perfect when they were together, that the lover was their perfect match. Carmen didn’t feel that with Andrew. She believed she loved him. He said he loved her. She enjoyed his company and the sex was the best she’d had. Was there anything else? Did she need anything more than Andrew could offer her?
    She wanted understated elegance. Enough so that Victor knew she’d taken trouble over dressing, but not enough to upset Andrew again. She really hadn’t liked the distance he was making between them since yesterday morning. It was as if he was punishing her for Victor’s behaviour. Well, she guessed, he could hardly attack Victor for it. It would make Andrew look insecure and unstable. And that wouldn’t do at all: easier to blame her than attack the boss. She wasn’t impressed by his reactionary behaviour but she understood it. She would just make sure Andrew stayed tonight – she missed his presence in her bed. After all, she smiled to herself, sex was the best thing about their relationship: being naked with Andrew always made her feel good and she wasn’t about to throw that away for some strange tall grey haired man.
    Andrew arrived half an hour before Victor with roses and an apology. “I was silly,” he smiled foolishly. “I know you love me. I know Victor is just an old man.”
    “But a very powerful one.” Carmen took Andrew’s face in her hands and kissed him. A slow, smouldering kiss that reminded Andrew of her love and how much he was looking forward to making love to her after dinner. Victor was a generous host, so Andrew knew the evening would be more than pleasant. He relaxed, patted the dogs in a gesture of good will, but stopped them from jumping all over his suit. “At least they like me now,” he quipped.
    “Better to have dogs suspicious of strangers, Honey. You should be happy about that. Means I’m safer here.”
    “Yes, I know. But I still think you should be moving in with me. All this backwards and forward stuff – it’s really not that much fun for me. And you rarely come to my place, Babe.”
    “But the dogs, Andrew. In a loft? At least they have a courtyard here and the park is just over there.”
    “But, Honey –”
    Fortunately Victor’s driver was at the door and so Carmen was saved the tediousness of this on-going conversation. Part of AA’s “doom and gloom” about running and living near Central Park was all about getting her to move in with him. She was resisting although she wasn’t quite sure why. Just the thought of not having her own space, her own peace was terrifying to her. She needed to be near the park, be able to step outside onto the sidewalk, cross the street and be in the trees and grasslands of Central Park in an instant. She needed to feel the earth beneath her shoes and smell the air, suck in as much of the green oxygen as she could into her lungs. She didn’t like tall buildings or being so far from the ground. The Bernhard Building, at least was one of the greenest buildings in New York, like the Hearst Building, so at least up there on the 35 th floor she could console herself with the environmental credentials of it all. Architecturally she knew Andrew’s loft was amazing – so state of the art – and she could possibly, with a bit of effort, see herself living there one day. Perhaps when they were married she’d feel more comfortable about sharing his space. But why was he so insistent on them living there? And despite his efforts with the dogs, she still wasn’t confident of his feelings towards Alaska and Zanzibar. As she looked into their eyes, she knew they weren’t sure about