The Autograph Hound Read Online Free PDF Page B

every ad on the subway platform. With me she’s quiet as a tomb—but a picture of a Motorola television console gets her talking. “Isn’t it lovely,” she says. She stands back like Chef from his pastry, then moves slowly forward for careful inspection until the next ad catches her eye. “I’m old-fashioned about clothes, but very modern when it comes to appliances.”
    Gloria has the makings of a first-rate collector. She wants to acquire. It’s the tip-off to talent. She looks presentable. She doesn’t beat around the bush. She gives as much as she takes. In fact, she’s got three out of Coach Lombardi’s Big Four—Determination, Energy, and the Will to Win. But she’s crude—no Discipline.
    â€œYou should work harder on your autographs. You could be good.”
    â€œMy goal is to complete my Players’ Guide .”
    â€œBut that’s just for actors. Don’t you want to widen your horizons?”
    â€œI want to study film people. Not everyone can get a Players’ Guide . You’ve got to qualify.”
    â€œHow did you get it?”
    â€œI got it.”
    â€œThe Academy Award winners—the envelope performers—aren’t in the book. They don’t need to remind people what they look like. Everybody remembers.”
    â€œYou’re trying to make me wrong.”
    â€œLook around, Gloria. People who never went to Hollywood are getting bigger all the time.”
    â€œThe Players’ Guide ’s a very important publication in our business.”
    â€œThe Players’ Guide weighs five pounds. It’s a drag.”
    â€œI think Amy Vanderbilt knows a little more about autographs than you.”
    â€œDoes she have over two thousand signatures?”
    â€œAmy Vanderbilt’s influenced thousands of America’s finest families. She wrote a book. Daddy gave it to me. ‘Do as she says, not as we do.’”
    â€œDoes she talk about her big signatures?”
    â€œShe’s no collector.”
    â€œThen, what does she know?”
    â€œâ€˜Autographs given freely to all and sundry have no value either historically or momentarily. The rare ones are the good ones. To ask a really important person to sign an autograph book full of names of nobodies is to insult him.’ Amy Vanderbilt.”
    â€œIf they’re insulted, they won’t sign. They usually sign.”
    â€œFeel this paper—High Gloss. Look at the type—Bodoni Bold. The Players’ Guide is heavier than the complete works of William Shakespeare.”
    â€œToo many pictures.”
    â€œEvery face belongs to Equity. You’re not being rude if you ask an actor to sign.”
    â€œNo room for comments.”
    â€œWho gives comments?”
    â€œMickey Mantle.”
    â€œWho’s he?”
    â€œNumber seven. They retired the number for life when he hung up his spikes. He was a New York Yankee. He’s a millionaire now. Insurance. He’s hard to get. Even in the old days, he’d sit in the locker room and only sign baseballs. Nothing on paper. He signed my pad, ‘Keep smiling, Mickey.’”
    â€œHe said that?”
    â€œYou never know when somebody’s going to become rare. This Vanderbilt doesn’t even know. Suddenly they can retire or be killed, lose their show or go to jail. There’s so much happening. Opportunity only knocks once.”
    â€œYou mean a strike-while-the-iron’s-hot technique.”
    â€œRight.”
    â€œAren’t you embarrassed to hand somebody a scrap of paper when they’ve just stepped out of a Cadillac limousine, when they say Tiffany all over them. There’s such a thing as self-respect. Paper might be okay for a ballplayer, but a movie star with a long-term contract or a hit commercial? You’d be a laughingstock.”
    â€œWould you believe Nanette Fabray, Yvonne De Carlo, Mrs. Bing Crosby?”
    The subway