That Was Then... Read Online Free PDF

problem,” I tell her.
    “Yes, thanks!” Nat throws her arms around me in a hug. “You’re the best friend ever.”
    I’m tempted to point out that I’m really rotten underneath and that I have very little hope for the upcoming marriage of Nat and Ben, but what would bethe point? “Well, I’d better get back and clean things up before my dad comes home.”
    Nat lets out a big yawn. “And I think I’ll take a nap. All this excitement has worn me out.”
    Mrs. McCabe just frowns. And I make a hasty exit.
    The house is quiet when I get home. And for a change, it feels welcome. All the voices and the women and the presents…well, it just felt so wrong. And I’m glad it’s over. I get a garbage bag and go around gathering up paper plates and cups and napkins—all in the fall colors Natalie requested, but looking more like wilted leaves now. I put the furniture back into their regular places, give the kitchen a quick wipe down, and am just heading to my room when my dad gets home.
    “Safe to come in?” he asks.
    “The women have all gone home.”
    He smiles and gives me a hug. “How did it go?”
    I offer him a piece of leftover cake and then proceed to tell him how it really went. No smoothing, glossing, pretending. And by the time I finish, he’s laughing.
    “Poor Kimmy.”
    I nod, appreciating his pity. “And next week is the wedding!”
    “Good cake,” he says as he hands me his empty plate.
    “Do you think I’ll ever have a normal life again?”
    He considers this. “Is there really such a thing?”
    “Things used to feel normal,” I remind him. “WhenMom was here, back before Natalie got pregnant. Life was pretty calm and peaceful.”
    “Yes. Maybe we took it for granted.”
    I sigh. “Like you don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone…”
    He nods. “I hate to break up our little party, but unless you need anything, I’ve got some work to finish up.”
    “You and me both,” I say. But as I go to my room, I’m still thinking about what he said. Maybe we did take “normal” for granted. Maybe we all do.
    Dear Jamie,
    About ten years ago, I did something really horrible. And it never seems to leave me alone. I’ve never told anyone, and I’m not even sure if I can tell you. But I’ll try. When I was about five years old and my little brother was two, I was supposed to be watching him for my mom. It was summer and we were playing outside. But he kept bugging me while I was digging in the sandbox, and I told him to go away and leave me alone. I don’t know how long he was gone, but when I went to look for him, I found him in our wading pool, face down. And I just stood there for a long time. I thought he was holding his breath, playing a trick on me. I can’t even remember what happened next. But my brother drowned that day. My parents said it wasn’t my fault, but I know how I told him to go away, and then I never even pulled him out of the pool. Sometimes I feellike I’m going to explode, like I can’t keep this in anymore. What should I do?
    Murderer
    Wow, this is a heartbreaker. I ask God to help me with it.
    Dear M,
    First of all, you are NOT a murderer. Second of all, your parents were ABSOLUTELY RIGHT—it was not your fault. No five-year-old should be responsible for watching a two-year-old, and I’m guessing your mom feels way worse than you do about the loss of your brother. Guilt can do horrible things to people, and I’m guessing this tragedy has hurt your family more than you even know. I suggest that you all get counseling, together and individually. You need to get over this and move on with your life, and it will probably take professional help to do this. I also suggest that you talk to God about how you’re feeling. His forgiveness goes much deeper than the human kind—and, in time, I believe God is the one who can heal your aching heart
.
    Just Jamie

Four
Friday, September 22
    As usual, I gave Nat a ride home today. I suppose Ben would do this, but he