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painful to witness. I want to go to her, take her shoulders, and scream. Remind her of the way Tesae would fault her work and demand the ridiculous. But I say nothing, now is not the time.
     
     
    ***
     
     
    Two hours later, I’m the first Lifer to enter the hall for the council meeting. I try to project confidence as I push the double doors, but only my will keeps me from looking for my mother to be here and lead. A role she found so comfortable after my father passed, is one that sits uneasy on my shoulders.
    My steps echo across the wooden floor, stirring dust from those who’ve tracked in mud and left it to dry. The table in the middle could seat twenty but is dwarfed by the empty space around it. I don’t sit, not sure enough yet to take my place.
    Lady holds court by the other entrance in the far corner. As usual, Samuai’s mother is perfectly made up and with an air of royalty despite the more primitive surroundings. Her husband, Huckle who used to be head of the Fishies, has barely been seen since the night of the rebellion, and no one has argued with her taking over his position.
    She moves toward me, and I brace myself for her particular brand of affection, but she’s distracted by another Fishie: Arnold, who was once second in command to her husband.
    Already seated, Samuai doesn’t see me. He’s deep in conversation with an older green robe, Toby. Despite his age and limp, I remember him fighting with courage on the killing field outside the ship when we took on the Company. Samuai’s ever-present shadow, Megs, is on his other side and doesn’t look my way.
    Davyd enters with Kaih, and I try not to assume the worst, but he never does anything accidently. I don’t know what he wants with her, but it can’t be good. She has a glow I would hate to see him dim. And a kind heart I’d hate to see broken. I hope he sees the warning in my eyes, but all he does is wink.
    Later , I mentally promise, before turning to my friend.
    The marks of mourning we Lifers have made on our body in memoriam to those who have passed no longer need to be hidden. In this new freedom they can be worn with pride. The blue dye that was made from the chemicals available on Farm Level on board the ship is now supplemented by deep reds from ground up rock and pale white from a mineral deposit exposed on one of the Upheaval chasms close to camp. The danger in extracting it from the wall several feet in its depth is a challenge that makes the white the most precious.
    Losses against the Company are marked like sad rainbows across the Lifers’ skin.
    Others have gone further. What used to be for mourning alone is now part of a Lifers’ self-expression. Like Kaih’s ghostlike, white pelican spread-winged across her cheek and neck. A more traditional deep blue swirl wraps around Kaih’s wrist and snakes up her arm. I’ve been meaning to ask her whether it’s for Mother. She cared for Kaih after her own mother was caught in the fire in the Manufacturing level. They were close in a way that Mother and I, with my dreams of freedom, could never manage. Each time I’ve tried to speak to Kaih about it, the words wouldn’t come.
    “Asher,” Kaih cries.
    Her arms go around my shoulders in a hug completely without agenda. I pat her awkwardly in return, holding my breath until I have my own space again. I don’t trust myself so close to other people, especially those I don’t want to hurt. I’m not sure I was ever as carefree as she seems, even before I was broken inside.
    “How are you?” I ask, hating my wooden tone.
    She glances around. “A little intimidated to tell you the truth. I’m not sure why I’m here with all the important people.”
    “Because you’re amazing,” Davyd interjects before I can say anything.
    Kaih lifts her brows, putting him in his place without saying a word.
    I want to laugh. My friend might be kind-hearted and idealistic, but she’s no fool.
    He’s quick to backtrack. “Too much?”
    She