used to say, “Do I stink? I should. I’ve been pissed on all day.”
That my simple escapist fantasy could be responsible for this and my unlikely survival. At least I can't know if it was me or any other person out there who wondered what it would be like. Anyone who was tired of the routine and dreaming of something more exciting in their life. If they're dead and I'm not, should I blame myself? I dunno. I can't stop picking this scab.
God, it's late. I'll run down batteries and this is definitely not worth it.
Oct 12 12:55pm
I wish you could tell me how this happened for you.
Oct17 11:15am
Mr. Ages looks like he's laughing on mute. I love his face. I've never had a pet before. He's more like a companion I guess. I don't think of him as a pet. I don't know what to think of him. But I love his face and I need his presence. He is basking in the sun and dark eyes are sparkly and the heat has put that smile on his face.
The trees are really pretty. The maple trees appeared to be burning, the same way that the sun set fire to the fox. The wind is warm—unseasonably? I wouldn't know, but it feels amazing. The air smells so sweet—all these dying things smell so good. The leaves aren't crunchy, they are soft with dew. There's about four inches of leaves on top of more than a foot of browning grass.
It's almost Halloween. I'm pretty sure it won't be the same thing this year.
I'm almost afraid of what will happen.
It could make things worse. Who knows?
I love Halloween.
I'd work so hard to make sure I spent a considerable part of it scared out of my mind with Dee’s help, who would always visit to celebrate the holiday, her favorite. She said I had a better yard for the haunted cemetery we raised every year. But I think she also liked to go somewhere she didn’t have to lift a finger for a few days.
I’d go to her place for our birthdays, mine’s January 17 th and hers the 21 st . Since we met when we were 9, I spent every birthday with her.
Are you alone?
Is it not enormously stupid to ask you questions? A perpetual question.
Is it not enormously stupid to be curious about you?
Oct 18 9:30am
I found the road map—I knew I had one; I just had it in a different spot. I must have been organizing It was still in my "travel" pack.
I know I'd have to head south. How far?
There have got to be other people out there, but do I want to cross paths with them?
I know how it is here.
I don't know anything else.
All I know is that I didn't make it five miles!
I can’t know if anyone's okay. What if someone comes looking for me? I'm not even at my house.
I just don't have any idea what I'm going to do.
This won't hold out.
But damn it's beautiful right now.
Oct 19 3:11pm
Just washed up at the creek—water's getting cold.
Mr. Ages is a mess, but he's happy. He killed a huge squirrel earlier. He'll miss the frogs. He ate a lot of them. They did hellable things to his breath, but he was fed and that made me feel good. Yeah, out of dog food.
Cripes, that's a whole nother can of worms.
How do I travel with Bark Face?
I'm not leaving him.
But that also sounds like certain death.
He won't do a muzzle. I don't have a real one, but the ones I've tried he's gotten off and hated until he did.
I'll have to see if I can find one—I doubt a lot of pet supply shops were over picked.
I've never muzzled a dog. Can they still make a sound? I know I don't want him biting anything. If something happens to me—he can’t be stuck in a muzzle.
Anyway, wuz going to tell you that I got two more. Turtle and a stranger.
I thought the mailman might have turned in his chips, but there the fucker is right now.
Wait a minute Mr. Postman. Got something to do.
I just brought Mr. Ages inside and I can't find that busy body.
If I can get the nerve to face him, I can handle anything. There are freakier busy bodies, but there are no creepier ones.
When a creep's job is to know where you live it makes him ten times the