Tales of Ordinary Madness Read Online Free PDF Page A

he asked, looking into the mirror and twisting the Panama again. Then he sucked at his wine bottle.
    â€œYou’re wanted in court! You don’t remember but you busted Mary’s rib and then came back a couple of days later and hit her in the face.”
    â€œI’m wanted in COURT? In COURT? Oh no, man, you don’t really mean I’m wanted in COURT?”
    I smashed my second beerbottle into the huge wooden box in the center of the room. “Yes, my boy, you are crazy as hell, you need help. And Mary has an assault-and-battery out against you ...”
    â€œWhat’s ‘battery’ mean?”
    I trotted off for two more beers (for myself), came back.
    â€œListen, asshole, you know what ‘battery’ means! You haven’t driven a bicycle all your life!”
    I looked at him. His skin was somewhat dry with loss of natural elasticity. I also knew that he had a small growth on his left buttocks (center).
    â€œBut I don’t understand this COURT thing! What the hell does it mean? Sure, we had a little argument. So I went to George’s place in the desert. We drank port wine for thirty days. When I came back she SCREAMED at me! You should have seen her! I didn’t mean any harm. All I did was kick her big ass and tits ...”
    â€œShe’s frightened of you, Jimmy. You’re a sick man. I’ve made a very close study of you. You know when I’m not jacking-off or stoned I’m reading books, all kinds of books. You are demented, my friend.”
    â€œBut we were all such good friends. She even wanted to fuck you but she wouldn’t fuck you because she loved me. That’s what she told me.”
    â€œBut, Jimmy, that was then. You have no idea how things change. Mary’s a very fine person. She ...”
    â€œGod oh mighty! Close your robe! PLEASE!”
    â€œOoooops! Sorry.”
    Poor Jimmy. His genital system – left vas deferens and somewhat on the right there appears to be some scar or adhesion tissue. Probably caused by some pathology in the past.
    â€œI’ll phone Anna,” he said, “Anna is Mary’s best friend. She’ll know. Why would Mary want to take me to court?”
    â€œPhone then, mother.”
    Jimmy adjusted his Panama in the mirror, then dialed.
    â€œAnna. Jimmy. What? No, it can’t be! Hank just told me. Listen, I don’t play these games. What? No, I didn’t bust her rib! I just kicked her big ass and titties. You mean she’s really going to court? Well, I’m not going. I’m going to Jerome, Arizona. Got a place. Two hundred and twenty-five a month. I just made twelve thousand dollars on a big land deal ... Oh shut up, goddamn you, about that COURT thing! You know what I’m going to do right now? I’m going over to Mary’s right NOW! I’ll kiss her and chew her lips off! I’ll eat every cunthair off her snatch! What do I care about court? I’ll jam it up her ass, under armpits, between the tits, in her mouth, in her ...”
    Jimmy looked at me. “She hung up.”
    â€œJimmy,” I said, “you should flush your ear canals. You show indications of symptoms of emphysema. Exercise and discontinue smoking. You need spinal therapy. For your weak inguinal ring there should be care in heavy lifting, straining at the stool ...”
    â€œWhat is all this bullshit?”
    â€œThe growth on your buttocks appears to be verracae.”
    â€œWhat’s verracae?”
    â€œA wart, mother.”
    â€œYou’re a wart, mother.”
    â€œYeah,” I said. “Where’d you get the bicycle?”
    â€œIt belongs to Arthur. Arthur’s holding a lot of shit. Let’s go over to Arthur’s and smoke some shit.”
    â€œI don’t like Arthur. He’s such a delicate little snit. Some delicate little snits I like. Arthur’s the other kind.”
    â€œHe’s going to Mexico for six months next