Stricken Resolve Read Online Free PDF Page A

an eggplant and
ugly as sin. On a positive note, I was still able to get out of bed
to pee. Until three days ago that is. But I couldn’t go without
help because once I sit on the toilet it’s hard to get back up with
how much pain I’m in. It’s not the babies, it’s my endo. After that
intrauterine tear I’ve been in a constant level of pain. Some days
are worse than others but it’s always there. Just like right
fucking now.
    I press the call button on my bed.
    “Yes Emily how may I help you?” Nurse Shelly
asks over the intercom. I know every single one of my nurses now.
That’s what happens when you live in a hospital for eleven weeks.
They become your second family.
    “Well you should probably call Dr.Golds. It’s
time to deliver the babies. My water just broke,” I explain as
calmly as I can, as I squeeze the ever loving shit out of James’s
poor hand. As always, he takes it like the man he is. Strong and
supportive with a sweet loving smile on his face.
    “I’ll be in to prep you for surgery,” she
says and in the door she comes. The nurse’s station is three rooms
down from mine in a little alcove.
    “Emily, are you ready to be a mom?” Shelly
asks with a big smile. Damn, she’s perky for working the night
shift.
    “We’ve been ready,” James answers for me and
brings my hand to his mouth, giving it a loving kiss.
    “I’ve got to call John…ah… than.” I scream.
Holy shit! That fucking hurts. A big ass contraction waves through
my body and I double over grasping my stomach.
    “I’ll call him, my love. Just rest.” James
goes to pull away and I hold onto him for dear life.
    “No James, don’t leave me. I need you,” I beg
through clenched teeth, panting with sweat dripping down the sides
of my face.
    “I’ll get it,” the nurse offers, and suddenly
my monitors go off sounding like a tornado siren. “No I won’t.” She
grabs one of my legs and hastily lifts my bottom into the air as
another nurse comes sprinting into the room and grabs my other
leg.
    “The babies’ hearts have de-celled, she needs
to get into surgery. Now!” They talk to each other and another
nurse runs in and shuts down the blaring sounds. My heart is racing
a hundred miles an hour and James is by my side the whole way.
    I have to call Johnathan! He has to be
here!
    Then a fourth nurse pushes through the door
with Dr. Golds is in tow.
    “Emily, the babies’ are in distress, we are
taking you back right now. James will be right behind us as soon as
he puts on scrubs,” she tells me fast and suddenly the bed is
moving at full speed as two nurses are still holding my lower body
in the air, James still holding my hand.
    “I love you. Everything will be okay. I will
get changed and be right in, sweetheart. Don’t be scared. I promise
it will be okay. Everything will be alright.” He kisses my head and
lets me go and I break down into a hideous crying mess watching the
love of my life run with a blonde nurse to dress. I don’t want to
do this alone.
    It all happens so fast. I’m in my room and
now I’m on a hard surgical bed being pumped full of meds into my
epidural that I’ve had in me for the past five weeks to regulate my
pain. A blue drape is across my chest so I can’t see and there is a
bunch of tugging going on, I can feel it. But there’s no pain. My
arms are pinned out like Jesus on the cross and I have oxygen
stuffed in my nostrils.
    “He’s here,” my anesthesiologist says,
sitting on a stool above my head, a blue paper mask hooked across
his nose and mouth. I look up the best I can and James is coming
through the swinging metal doors in blue paper scrubs. Blonde nurse
right on his heels. Oh thank god!
    I audibly sigh with relief.
    “Hello sweetheart.” He sits on a rolling
stool next to my head, affectionately rubs my arm and wipes the
waterfall of tears cascading from my eyes.
    “Emily, your daughter is almost here.” Dr.
Golds says.
    “Okay,” I sob, my bottom lip trembling.