Stiltskin (Andrew Buckley) Read Online Free PDF Page B

other much, I thought it’d be nice. Anyway, she ended up taking me to the circus.”
    Shocked gasps arose from the group and one twitchy gentleman named Ralph who never said a word and emanated the smell of six-week-old dirty socks shuddered ever so slightly.
    Doris nodded in unspoken agreement.
    “Well, she didn’t know, did she?” said Doris.
    “People should know better,” piped up Jerry, a thirty-something grocery store clerk who moonlighted as a completely ineffective contract killer.
    Ralph shuddered in agreement.
    “Now, now,” said Jasper, “It’s not for us to judge people who don’t understand our affliction. Please continue, Doris.”
    “Well, I didn’t want to insult my sister, she’d got us very nice seats down by the elephants and there’s always the chance that there wouldn’t be any small people. Everything was going fine, the strong man was very impressive, huge muscles, very tight clothing, got me quite flustered for a while. I like tight clothing on a man, you know, and my Barry, well he’s not much to look at, skinny as a rake actually and―”
    “Let’s try and stick to the point, Doris,” reminded Jasper.
    “Oh, yes, sorry. Anyway, everything was going fine until the clowns came on and there they were; three of them dressed up as miniature lion tamers. Midgets. I couldn’t help myself, I let out a scream that upset the elephants and they took off charging across the circus tent. I bolted from the circus screaming.”
    Bolted may not have been the correct term as Doris was unable actually to bolt anywhere. What really happened involved Doris ploughing through the crowd in much the same way a large ice-breaking ship ploughs through ice. Children scattered in her wake, adults trampled other adults underfoot, and one small dog named Bitsy was forever mentally and emotionally scarred for life.
    “I couldn’t leave my bedroom for three days!” finished Doris with a flourish, followed by a sad pout.
    “Aww,” said the group.
    Ralph shuddered.
    “That is quite the situation,” said Jasper, shaking his head. “Now there are a couple of different ways to look at this. Should Doris have reacted so strongly knowing she was indeed at a circus, which we all know is the second most common place to find a small person? We all saw the news and we know that several people had to be taken to the hospital after the incident, and then there was that poor little dog that’s probably scarred for life. We must learn to deal with these encounters in a calm and collected man―”
    Time momentarily froze. The molecules of Rumpelstiltskin swirled into immediate existence and reformed themselves into the evil little Dwarf holding a large knife. When Robert made his wish, Rumpelstiltskin was able to grant it and therefore immediately vanished from the bathroom, and of course once something disappeared, it must reappear. Rumpelstiltskin knew it was risky, as he could have ended up anywhere, in Robert’s living room, for example, or back in Thiside, or in Bermuda. But, as it turned out, the Universe was not without a cruel sense of humour.
    Time un-froze.
    “―ner,” finished Jasper. The group gasped a horrified gasp. Jasper looked down to see an evil-looking Dwarf staring up at him. The Dwarf was dressed in medieval clothing and held a large knife in one hand. The Dwarf snickered an evil snicker. Jasper screamed with an intensity that had only been achieved once before by an Italian opera singer who, during a standing room only performance, had hit such a high note it shattered the spleen of an elderly man sitting in the front row.
    As a whole, the entire group fled the building ahead of Doris who was making her best attempt to bolt.



he electrical impulses to Robert’s brain began firing again, all the while spurred on by the not so gentle slaps to the face by the female standing over him. His ears also switched from blurred noise to, “C’mon, wake up! You’re still naked and it’s