Still Surviving Read Online Free PDF Page B

tightened.
    “I’m sorry, I didn’t want this—“
    “Just…” She stormed towards me, her hands balled into fists. She punched my chest repeatedly. “I don’t get you? Why are you so…?” Her question died as the tears came even harder.
    “Shh… please… listen.” My arms wanted to pull her close, wanted to fully encapsulate her with my body. Tell her I was an idiot. Instead, I let her hit me, let her get it all out as my arms hung at my sides. I would never be that man on his knees, asking God why had his wife left him? Why the love of his life had cheated with his business partner? Why his best friend had stolen all the money from their shared company to help fund his fraudulent slut of wife?
    “No… I’m fine.” Tiffany sniffled and walked quickly past me out the front door.
    “Tiffany, wait!” I rushed after her. They rain was falling, and we were both getting drenched again outside her front door. “You know how I was raised. You know how my mom left, how my dad was left with nothing. You know all this because I told you… But I just can’t let myself—“
    “You can’t let yourself be happy, love, care about me…. Just stop talking.” Her shoulders shook as she tried to suppress the emotions that I could tell were suffocating her. She turned to walk away.
    “Tiff, I… I…”
    My lips couldn’t form the words as the cold seeped through my bones; the streetlight was brightly shining through the sheets of rain. The tears, I couldn’t handle them anymore. This life was full of shit, full of disgusting promises — promises I couldn’t keep. She looked up at me with bright, hazel eyes; her shiny black hair, now soaked, lay limp against her cheeks and shoulders; her dark green shirt clung to her breasts. Fuck she was beautiful. She was everything, and I was… nothing. I was darkness… sickness… I couldn’t corrupt her like the others. She was too good for my brand of love, my black heart. I watched the chill creep into her flesh, the goose bumps splayed across her arm as the heat left her body. We were so close. I should reach out and warm her, comfort her, tell her what she wants to hear, but I’m her shadow and this can never be.
    The deep pink of her lips paled as they trembled; I couldn’t watch her suffer much longer. The slight green tint of her hazel eyes blurred as they filled with more tears. “Why?” she asked, the voice so familiar to me — the voice of fear, of rejection, of the never-ending inevitability of failure.
    She shivered, and I couldn’t let her dangle on that ledge any longer. The rain beat against my back as I rested my forehead against hers, my hands grasped at the back of her head cradling her even closer. My heart was heavily beating inside my ribcage, my veins full with the poison of love; this fucking girl had infected me, and I had to let her go. I was her shadow, meant to follow, always stalking behind, never truly there in the present, always a half a step behind — it was safe to admire from afar.
    “I’m not who you think I am.” My whisper sounded false to me. She knew me, better than anyone would ever know me, but this had to stop here. She’d never understand who I was deep down, my flame… my light blew out a long time ago.
    “What the hell are you talking about?” She pulled away from me, forcing my hands to frame her face. The look she gave said it all, said I was crazy for ending this, for not letting it even start, for not letting her in. She didn’t have the faintest idea of what I could do to her. My faith was broken.
    I let my eyes meet hers, allowing the inevitable connection to happen. I owed her that much.
    The rain started to fall harder, but I didn’t care; I was caught up in all that she was, and, for once I wanted something, I wanted this, and I wanted her. My eyes were drawn to her mouth; those wicked, fucking lips were surely made to torture. I was ready for her punishment. I brought my lips slowly to hers, a small,