Still Surviving Read Online Free PDF

my stomach constricted, as her full lips tasted my skin. Kneeling, she brought her mouth leisurely down to my abdomen, her shaking hands fumbled with my belt.
    My hands gripped hers just as she undid the button of my jeans. I laced her elegant fingers through mine, our hands fit together completely. “That’s not why I came here.” I wanted to feel her mouth on my body more than anything I’ve ever wanted. The need to fill her up with only me, have her tiny body bound to me and my tongue deep inside her, was painful. I couldn’t think of her this way, but the more I let myself go there, the more vivid the thoughts were and the quicker my control started to slip. I actually wanted to kiss this girl, feel those satin lips against mine, taste her mouth, and feel her teeth pull at my fucking lips. I groaned.
    “Then why did you? Am I not…” She laughed bitterly as she stood and stepped away. Her cheeks bright red and her jaw set in a firm line.
    “Stop.” I interrupted. “Don’t even think that. That’s the fucking thing… you’re better than this, then any of them. I didn’t come over here to get off, to have you blow me like some whore on your knees. Shit Tiff, you’re my friend.” I grabbed my wet shirt from the floor and started to put it back on.
    “What the hell was that in the car then? You just get all handsy, make me bring you back here because you ‘don’t want to go home,’ and then get all weird. You’re confusing me. I know I’m not a slut, but, damn it, Seth, I like you… I’ve liked you for—“
    “I like you, too… But I had a moment of weakness, and I hadn’t expected you…” To taste so damn good. “…and then the rain and this night has been shit. You got hurt. I went to jail! I’m just all screwed up. Can we pretend like I never did that? Can we just go back to our normal sarcastic banter and keep this shit platonic? ‘Cause Tiffany—”
    “Give me your damn shirt.” She scowled at me as I started to put it over my head.
    “What?”
    “Friends don’t let friends wear wet clothing, you’ll… get sick or something.” She snatched the shirt from my hands and looked down at her feet. “I’ll pretend that your mouth doesn’t set me on fire. I’ll pretend I don’t notice your blue eyes and how they melt when they look at me. I’ll pretend, Seth, because I’d rather have you in my life like this, like two people who are fucking perfect for each other and deny it, than have nothing at all. I need some piece of you. Three years, Seth, three years of you, and I still can’t look away.” She brushed past me leaving her words hanging in the air.
    How had I never noticed how much this girl cared about me? How had I not noticed how much I had started to need her over the years? How the hell was I ever going to pretend I didn’t want more? What lies could I feed myself, how much of myself could I continue to conceal before I realized I’d never be happy?
    The memory of my father on his knees sobbing filled my mind. His repeated words, “It’s all gone, she’s gone, we have nothing.” Over and over again ran through my head. I took a deep breath. I had rules, rules in place to protect myself. Tiffany was a good girl, but I was right, we couldn’t be more than friends. She didn’t let me finish. We couldn’t be more than friends because I couldn’t put her through me.
    I stalked after her. “Give me my shirt. I should go home.” My tone was gruff. Tiffany huffed and chucked the damp fabric in my direction. I caught it and put it on quickly. “Take me home, please.” This was for her own good.
    She was a hurricane as she grabbed the things she needed. The keys jingled in her hand as she came to an abrupt stop. That’s when I noticed her cheeks were stained with tears.
    “Oh god, oh fuck, I’m crying… great.” Tiff started to sob, and it wasn’t a soft sob or a gentle cry, it was a pissed off angry cry. Her eyes flicked to mine and my chest